Theodore's Birth Story

Here is the story of how our second, amazing human was brought earthside.

I’ll start by saying that my pregnancy was awful and I was counting the minutes until the baby came out. Luckily, nothing was wrong with the pregnancy itself, but not only was I pregnant, but Gabriel was a toddler, we had a puppy, and I was endlessly sick with multiple viruses, including covid. At one point I had cold and flu symptoms for 7 weeks. My SI joints were in pretty bad pain, I was swollen, I was exhausted and having insomnia, and I was just SO large. I could not WAIT to get this baby out.

So naturally, he took his time. I was due on March 28th, and my contractions began on March 27th at about 2am. Manuel came flying into the room at about 1 in the morning. He woke me up and I was immediately angry because I couldn’t fall back asleep and had been having such bad pregnancy insomnia. I felt a little hot and nauseous so I decided to get up, take some Gravol and a Tylenol, and have a bath. While in the bath I started to feel more off and just couldn’t calm down enough to get myself comfortable. I got my large self up and out of the tub and started feeling sick to my stomach and then I lost my mucus plug as well as a bit of water. I immediately knew that my labour was starting. Not long after, I started experiencing contractions. I remember the midwives saying that once the contractions start, to take some Gravol and Tylenol and try to get some sleep, but there was no rest or sleep to be had. I began timing my contractions and they were pretty consistently 4-5 minutes apart right from the beginning. After about an hour they became even more consistent and were about 1 minute long. Manuel woke up and I told him I was in labour. He said “yessss!” and I had him take over timing my contractions, since they were getting too intense for me to be able to focus on the timer. Contractions were coming in every 3 minutes at 1 minute in duration pretty consistently after about an hour-ish of them starting.

We decided to call Manuel’s mom Vicky to come over to be here for Gabriel and Cedar (the pup), thinking that by time she got here, we would have a plan with the doula and midwife. So Manuel then called our doula Joshuelle, who agreed to meet us at the hospital. He called the midwives (funny story, I couldn’t find where I had saved the emergency pager number and I was so out of it from the intensity of the contractions that I couldn’t focus well enough to realize how I had saved it, but somehow we found it) and they said we should head over to the hospital.

Vicky arrived here around 4ish in the morning. I tried to eat some oatmeal and drink some fluids but the contractions were just too intense. Every time I moved, a new contraction came on harder and longer. I had to bum shuffle down the stairs and to the front door. We got to the car and I remember being so uncomfortable in the less than 10-minute drive to the hospital. We got there and Manuel loaded me into a wheelchair and Joshuelle took me up to admissions while Manuel parked the car. The midwife Sarah brought us in and had me change. She checked me out and determined my water had not actually broken but confirmed I was fully effaced and 3cm dilated. They took me into a labour room and things got real.

I opted for an unmedicated/natural hospital birth, but was open to using medications if required. I started off with squeezing a comb in my hand and laying with the peanut shaped birth ball between my knees. I changed positions (which I hated, because nobody warns you that moving actually brings on the biggest contraction you’ve experienced so far). When that stopped working, I moved to using the TENS machine. I was so freaking exhausted that, believe it or not, I actually was falling asleep between almost every contraction, and waking back up again just to breathe through it, only to repeat the cycle over and over. Sarah and Joshuelle got Manuel to eventually help me into the jacuzzi. But I was only allowed to stay in there for 45 minutes because they needed to be monitoring the baby’s heartrate and couldn’t have the monitors off for more than 45 minutes. I remember completely passing out in the jacuzzi between each contraction and feeling so much more relief being in the tub. Getting out was a chore because of course the contractions were still coming harder and faster, and now I knew what was coming. I got back onto the bed and I think I went back to using the TENS machine for a bit. The pain was extremely intense. I counted my breaths and used affirmations to help keep me grounded. I barely opened my eyes. Eventually, with Joshuelle’s advocacy, we switched to using nitrous oxide, or laughing gas. Let me tell you, it did not make me laugh. BUT, it did completely take the edge off and it was a total game changer. Even Manuel noticed how well it worked for me. I figured out how and when to inhale just before a contraction started and I could relax a lot better once I had it on. Still, I was in and out of sleep.

It was around lunchtime when I felt the… ejection reflex? kick in. It was like the urge to push but my body was naturally pushing for me. I felt like I couldn’t control it, similar to that feeling when you have to throw up. Your body just contorts and gets it out for you. Of course it started happening when Sarah was on her lunch break and a nurse was overseeing. The nurse wanted me to try to hold off from pushing because it wasn’t quite time yet. So I tried my best to breathe through it even though everything in my body needed to start pushing. My mind was telling me this was great, that after a few pushes, the baby would be out and it would all be over. The midwife came back from lunch and did a quick check, but I was still not fully dilated. I think I was around 8 and a bit cm dilated. She said if my body was telling me to push, I could, but I risked having some inflammation, and probably other things which I can’t remember now. So I just listened to my body and pushed when I felt those major reflexes to do so. They did not happen each contraction so I pushed when it was time.

By this time the second midwife had joined the team, it was disgustingly hot in the labour room (everyone was complaining about it), and I was dripping sweat. I remember trying to push on the toilet, pushing standing up, pushing on my knees on the bed, and just pushing and pushing, and the baby was not coming. I was so exhausted and I could feel my pulse racing. It felt like I was exercising in a sauna. I just kept mentally telling myself the baby was almost here and to keep going.

I was on my knees holding onto the back of the hospital bed when things started to change: Sarah suddenly became more stern and more direct and told me the baby needed to come out with the next push. I was pushing so hard with every contraction, but could not move that baby out. She told me she needed me to turn around immediately and told me where to put my legs and where to go. Before that, I didn’t really listen to her direction, and just did what I felt was right for my body, but I could tell by the tone in her voice that this time I needed to do what she said. She kept telling me the baby needed to come out. Manuel said he could see the baby’s head but try as I might, I just could not push him out. The baby was so low that they couldn’t track his pulse. The had a monitor on his head but it wasn’t staying on (I think??) and they kept reading my pulse rate of 170+ beats per minute, unsure if it was my pulse or his. In a directive tone, Sarah told me that she was calling the NICU team in for backup and the baby needed to come out now. Sarah was trying to stretch things out and facilitate the baby coming out but it wasn’t working. It turned out that he had shoulder dystocia. I didn’t know it at the time, but his shoulder was stuck in my pelvis and was causing him to be stuck in there which was why I was pushing for almost 2 hours before he finally made his appearance. Things were becoming so stressful that I was pushing even when I wasn’t having contractions because I wasn’t fully comprehending the directions, and the room was becoming tense. I just kept pushing and pushing trying to get him out. I was in fight or flight mode, sensing the change in the room, and the urgency with which she spoke.

She said she needed to do an episiotomy. This was a pretty big fear of mine, knowing I was completely unmedicated and had all my feeling down there. I remember saying “Noooooo” and Joshuelle asking if there were alternative options. But Sarah was adamant that it needed to happen because the baby needed to come out. So she made the cut and I remember a gurgling sound just coming from my throat. At the same time I had a contraction and a huge gush of fluid came shooting out. I heard a snapping sound and out came the baby! I was breathing like I had just run a marathon and they put him on me for immediate skin to skin. They had Manuel look at the baby to determine the sex and, for a second time, he shouted, “IT’S A BOY!”

Now after that stress you might think I’d be relieved but I was so worried that something had gone wrong, all I could say was “But he’s not breathing..” I felt a bit of panic but Sarah gave it a bit of time and soon came the breath. I don’t know if he cried right away or not. I got to hold him right away and they started cleaning things up. They took him for measurements and he weighed 8 lbs 9 oz. My only words were, “Jesus, no wonder why I was so miserable,” and someone laughed. He measured 21.75 inches and was born at 1:52pm, about 12 hours after my initial contractions started. He was perfectly fine and healthy!

Of course that wouldn’t be the end of things yet. I still had to push out the placenta and get stitched up myself. I opted at this point for a small shot of something.. pitocin? to help the placenta along. I just didn’t have it in me to be worried about potential risks or waiting another eternity for the afterbirth to happen.

At some point, Sarah informed me that the tool she used for the episiotomy was not sharp enough (WTF!) and so it actually just made a preliminary cut, and the contraction then caused a tear. It was a third degree tear which required internal stitches by an OB. Luckily it didn’t go all the way to the bumhole but it was still a pretty big tear. So I was stuck waiting in the hospital bed with my legs up in broken - yes, broken - stirrups, for another hour for the OB to arrive and then she had to stitch me up. It was at this point that I just lost all my composure. I was completely exhausted, sore, cut, hot/cold/smelly, and I just wanted to hold my baby. But because I didn’t have an epidural, I needed to get a local freezing and I was still using the laughing gas to help cope with it, so they didn’t allow me to hold the baby while all that poking and prodding and gas inhaling was happening. So I was shaky and crying and in a lot of extra pain while Manuel did skin to skin with our Theodore.

Eventually that all passed and I was allowed to get more comfortable and have that golden hour with my baby. I got to eat and got immediate heartburn, which I was so displeased about, because I thought it was going to disappear as soon as the baby came. My pulse and blood pressure were still really high so they wanted to monitor that. I was hoping to be able to get a same-day discharge but they recommended that we stay one night for monitoring. As soon as the next morning came I was asking for a discharge. My pulse and blood pressure were still high but coming down gradually. The baby was in great shape and otherwise so was I, so they let us head home by lunchtime.

I remember hoping that I was going to have that flooding feeling of love the same way I did with Gabriel, but for Teddy, it was much more gradual. We brought him home and he got to meet Cedar who immediately loved him. Then after a few hours, Vicky came to meet her grandson. She brought Gabriel home from daycare and he got to meet his “baby brudder.” We let him hold his brother and snuggle and it was the most heartwarming moment. We decided to name him Theodore Johnson. Theodore was a name we liked, and Johnson was a nickname my mom called my dad, so it was a way to honour her life, since we lost her to cancer 2 years before.

And now, Teddy is 7 months and Gabriel is 2 years and 10 months, and we are a whole family with two built-in best friends. The boys adore each other and Cedar loves both of them too. And we’re tired but we’re happy.

And so it is. XO.

A mama's hidden work

I might look like I sit around a lot. I might look like I’m on my phone too much. I might look like I take a lot of naps. As a matter of fact, all those things are true. But what it also true about being a mama is that there is a ton of work that goes unnoticed, unseen, and in some cases, unappreciated. It goes beyond the day-to-day obvious activities of taking care of a baby, changing diapers, interacting, doing naptimes and bedtimes and feeding times and everything else that a parent needs to do with a new baby.

A mama’s hidden work starts in pregnancy.

It’s the carpal tunnel so bad that every action causes pain, numbness or both, right down to holding a fork. It’s the plantar’s fasciitis that causes feet to ache and hurt. It's the hip pain and the back pain and the waddles. It’s the random choking and the jaw pain with every meal. It’s the head-to-toe swelling that leaves the ankles and feet throbbing at the end of the day, even with compression socks, which are impossible to put on with the carpal tunnel and the baby growing bigger by the day. It’s the extreme exhaustion, the mental fatigue, the sleepless nights. It’s the constant need to pee, it’s the constant heart burn. It’s the inability to breathe properly, the snoring, the weight gain, the weakened core, the inability to get comfortable at night, and the inability to bend down. It’s the constant housework and prep work and organizing piles of baby things and nesting. It’s preparing a month’s worth of meals so that nobody has to cook once baby comes, despite the carpal tunnel, the plantar’s fasciits, the swelling, and the pain.

And then the baby comes and the mama’s hidden work changes.

It’s learning how to be a mother, learning how to breastfeed, all while running on no sleep. It’s recovering from the birth process but still being responsible for feeding and nurturing the tiny human that spent 9 months inside. It’s the hormones, the tearfulness, the day sweats, the night sweats, the talking-on-the-phone sweats. It’s practicing effective communication when the hormones take over and nothing feels rational and emotions are running high. It’s being unable to go upstairs more than once in a day. It’s being ravenous because producing breastmilk and healing and running on no sleep takes energy. It’s the midwife appointments and the doula appointments and the lactation consultants and the chiropractor and the pelvic floor physio, and then the pediatrician and then the postnatal recovery team, and every professional that’s there to help baby grow and mama recover.

And then the baby’s here and the baby is growing and the mama’s hidden work continues.

It’s taking care of a baby when dad goes back to work, and saying “no” when he asks if he can help because I know he has to go to work in the morning and he’s been working a real job all day so I feel bad that he don’t get any time off. It's also being annoyed that he asks rather than just getting up and doing it, but trying to keep it in to keep the peace, and questioning whether it’s me (hormones), him, or both of us functioning on little sleep. It’s taking three days to get the laundry done or four tries to complete a task because babies are needy. It’s being so needed at all hours of the day and night by one tiny little human that it is all-consuming. It’s producing milk to feed a human; it’s nursing a baby. It’s the burning nipples and the breast pain and the chapped and dry nipples that just never goes away. It’s the engorgement at night and the constant leaking and the breast milk mess everywhere. It’s pumping and bottle feeding and sterilizing just to do it all over again in two hours. And just because I don’t mention it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt; it always hurts. For four months it has not stopped hurting. It’s the sweating out of every pore because it hurts so badly that I want to scream, but I don’t. It’s also the back pain and the neck pain and the shoulder pain and the headaches and the exhaustion. It’s the 40 extra pounds that are making themselves comfortable and staying a while but wreaking havoc on my joints. It’s the shoes that don't fit anymore and treating ingrown toenails that haven’t gone away yet. It’s trying to stay on top of cleaning the house and making the grocery list, and doing the laundry, and organizing the never-ending pile of baby gadgets that slowly seems to be swallowing us alive. It’s meticulously organizing and re-organizing and un-storing and re-storing the baby things that are useful only for a short amount of time. It’s the photo shoots and sending updates to friends and family, and getting those birth announcements sent out, and taking the baby out for walks, and learning how to keep the baby engaged and entertained.

Oh, and throw in a pandemic.

It’s the pademic fatigue and the mask fatigue and the mask sweats and the fear of taking the baby out to public places. It’s the constant planning for who is leaving the house when and who is going to be taking care of the baby so the other can do errands. It’s the sadness that comes with “I wish I could meet your baby” and “I just want to snuggle him” and “I don’t know when we’ll ever meet him.” It’s the protection and also guilt that comes along with “I’m sorry you can’t come over to meet the baby” and “Maybe once THIS lockdown ends, we can plan something outdoors” and “Grandparents have to wear masks to hold the baby.”

Then there’s all the stuff that’s amazing and makes up for it: the gummy smiles, the endless snuggles, the love that’s so strong it’s inexplicable, watching the tiny human grow and learn new things on a daily basis. That’s the easy part; that work is amazing, but it doesn’t take away from all the hidden work that is so trying and exhausting and sometimes mind-numbing.

So I might take a lot of naps, I might sit around a lot, and I might be on my phone too much. But what you don’t see is all the hidden work I’ve been doing since the baby was conceived; the 24 hour work, the invisible work that isn't so glamourous but is oh-so important.

Happy Mother’s Day Mamas. Only now do I know why that day is so important.

And so it is. XO

Gabriel's Birth Story

Here is the story of how I met the most amazing human I know. First, a bit of a back story:

While attending one of my routine midwife appointments, I learned the baby was breech. I had the option of trying to turn the baby or scheduling a c-section right away. I was terrified of getting an epidural because of the needle in the spine, and was hoping on having a natural birth. I would have rather endured the pain of childbirth (mind you, I didn’t know what the pain of childbirth was like at the time), than have to get a needle in my spine. I opted to try to turn the baby.

I was due on January 23rd. On the weekend after New Year’s Day, Manuel and I were out shopping and I started feeling strange: hot flashes, intense hunger, extreme fatigue, and mild cramping. I thought I might be in labour, but that passed. Although it didn’t last more than a day, I had a feeling that the baby was coming soon. The following Monday, we were called to see if we could attend an appointment with an OB that night to try to turn the baby; we were told the procedure could induce labour. We went in, and the OB tried to manually turn the baby. We didn’t have any luck so we were sent home with a scheduled c-section of January 18th at 6:00 am. As I went through my workweek, I decided to cancel all my in-person appointments as I didn’t want to be travelling on the highways and be far away from home if anything happened, and that turned out to be a good decision!

…

Friday, January 8, 2021 was my last day of work before maternity leave. I was dismantling my home office and getting the last of my work completed so I could send everything back to the office later that afternoon. That day, Manuel and I were sharing the same office since I was done all my client care and just needed to get everything organized. As I was working, our dog, Maple, was acting strange. She was staring at Manuel, kept nudging him and was obsessively by my side. We even commented on how weird she was acting. I remember sitting down and she jumped on my legs. Shortly after, I stood up again and noticed I was feeling a bit weird. Then out of nowhere, my water broke and gushed all over the office floor! It was 11:30 am. I shouted “Oh my God my water broke!” and I just stood there on the spot and kept gushing, all over the new floors. Manuel disappeared out of the room with me standing there shocked. I yelled at him and he said he was getting the mop to clean up the new floors! I responded by telling him to forget about the floors and bring me a towel. We both started laughing and a jittery excitement came over us. I remember texting my parents, my work, and my closest friends with one simple line: “OMG my water just broke.” I had Manuel pack up the last of my work things and get them to the front door while he called his mom to have her come take care of Maple. I told my boss all my office items were ready for pick-up and then hopped in the shower.

Once I rinsed off, I called the midwife. She advised me not to eat anything and to get to the hospital as soon as possible since it was technically an emergency situation, knowing the baby was breech. We tidied up the house as best we could, grabbed our things and headed over to the hospital. I remember feeling giddy, excited, nervous, and emotional all during that 10 minute drive. By time we made it to the hospital, parked, got up to the Obstetrics unit and checked in, I was already having mild contractions, and it was around 1:00 pm. The nurse asked me when was the last time I ate or drank. I was starving, but hadn’t had my lunch yet. Since I finished my morning cappuccino at about 11:15, they told me I’d have to wait at least 6 hours until my c-section unless my labour progressed quickly.

Manuel and I sat in the hospital room for hours, but looking back it felt like minutes. My contractions came every 4-5 minutes and got stronger and stronger as the afternoon went on. I counted my breath cycles during each contraction. We talked to our doula Joshuelle on the phone since she wasn’t allowed to be in the hospital with us. She helped me with some of my breathing and reminded me that I could play some music to help; of course I chose a Kes playlist because soca is life. Joshuelle had gifted me a handheld fan and a device for pressure points, and those two items were the things that came in most handy. Manuel would push the pressure point device into my back during my contractions, then fan me down afterwards. On and on the cycle went.

The first nurse I had was close to retirement. She was a chatter box and didn’t have much sympathy. She had to administer a covid test and check to see how dilated my cervix was - both procedures I do not wish to remember, because she was so rough, but chatted the entire time like she was just applying a band-aid.

We were told the c-section would take place around 6:00 pm but nothing was set in stone. Around 5:40 it was confirmed, so we called the midwife. My primary couldn’t make it, but they sent two other midwives to be present for the birth.

When it was go-time I was so ready to get the baby out. We didn’t know if it would be a boy or girl and we had names picked for both. I was extremely nervous about getting an epidural and having to have a c-section. Although it’s such a common procedure, it’s still a major abdominal surgery. By this point I had fully accepted and surrendered to the fact that I would not have my natural birth. Although the hours from admission to surgery were long, I was glad I got to experience some kind of labour. The excitement and surprise of my water breaking, the feeling of contractions, the emotions and the support I received from Manuel all allowed me to feel as though I was getting part of the birthing experience.

When they finally wheeled me into the the operating room, they separated me from Manuel while they prepped me for surgery. This is where I encountered nurse number 2. She was absolutely amazing. She held my hand during my contractions and helped me get positioned while they got the spinal freezing ready. She talked me through it and stayed with me. I was so thankful to have her. At this point, everything felt like a rushed blur. I was still having intense contractions, the lights were extremely bright, I didn’t know anybody in the room, and the room was buzzing with a dozen doctors, residents and nurses.

When I received the spinal freezing I jumped and yelled. I’m pretty sure that messed up the freezing. It was a long wait for the epidural and I remembered them saying they had to try again on a different level of my spine. I was so afraid of the pain of the needle and still having pain from contractions. It felt like forever until the epidural was in. They then had to lie me down quickly as the freezing took effect. They tested with ice cubes to see that the freezing had taken. I remember yelling and jumping when I felt the cold ice at my side. Then I laughed, saying “you must love that you get to do this to people.” The anesthesiologists were two young fellows and they were really nice, and explained every step. At this point, Manuel was allowed back in the room and one of the midwives had arrived.

I was surprised that I could feel a lot of what was happening during the procedure. It was not painful, but I perceived pain. I felt pulling and pinching. My whole body shook when they were pulling the baby out. I knew the instant the baby came out. I remember asking “Is it out? Do they have the baby?” everything was fairly quiet and they confirmed they had the baby. They asked Manuel to look over the curtain to see what the baby was (we thought it was going to be a girl). Manuel stood up and shouted “IT’S A BOY!!!” and I just started sobbing. They took the baby away (we found out after he was a little quiet and needed some suction). I remember sobbing, saying, “I want my baby. When are they going to bring me my baby?” Since I was frozen from my waist down, I couldn’t even form a proper cry. They gave Manuel the option to go with the baby at that point but instead he stayed with me because I was a hot, sobbing mess.

After a few minutes that felt like hours, they brought us our sweet little Gabriel Alexander all bundled up. He was born at 6:30 pm, weighed 6 lbs 12 oz, and measured 19 inches long. They took some pictures of us with him even though I was masked and sobbing. Then the midwives had to take him back for more measurements while the doctor sewed me up. Manuel went ahead with the midwives. The doctor finished putting me back together and the nurse wheeled me to recovery. When I arrived, the midwives Julia and Yufang were still looking Gabriel over so I had to wait some more to get to finally meet and hold my little peanut.

After what felt like an eternity, someone (the midwives? nurses? who knows!) finally brought Gabriel over, allowed us to take our masks off for more photos, and let us do skin to skin. I remember feeling so relieved that we finally got to meet him, and I could hold him without having to give him back for more hospital interventions. We spent a long while in recovery in awe of our tiny boy. The next two days in hospital trying to figure out how to be parents to a little 6 pound human, as I began my long and painful c-section recovery.

…

I may tell the rest of the recovery story in another post. What I really want to end with is this: I never thought I wanted kids. I could see myself in some imagined future with them, but never now. It never felt like the right time. I didn’t feel like I would be nurturing enough. I was worried I would lose myself. I was hoping I would gain so much more but was always apprehensive. During my pregnancy when people asked if I was excited, I never said yes. Over the next two days in the hospital, the hormones took over and I fell head over heels in love with our little man. I remember our first night at home, holding him in the rocking chair and just feeling more love than I had ever felt for anything before, ever. And now I can’t imagine how quiet our house used to be. I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t have wanted endless baby snuggles. I remind myself often that these days cannot be relived and I need to cherish them before they disappear.

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

And so it is. XO

It's only just a phase

As some of you may already know, I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to turn into a pregnancy post or a mom club blog, just stay with me. I spent the summer mourning all the things I’m going to have to give up. Living in a pandemic summer, I was thinking a lot about all of the things that I would miss out on this summer because of the pandemic, that I would still have to miss out on next summer because of the tiny human I’ll be nurturing and trying to keeping alive. I noticed my body changing almost daily. My clothes weren’t fitting anymore and I was mourning the loss of the body I’ve known and loved. I remember being out somewhere and thinking about all these changes, and as I was walking back to my car, I thought “wait… it’s only just a phase.”

This isn’t a life sentence. My body isn’t going to stay pregnant forever. My clothes are going to fit better again in the future (and if not, I’ll buy some new ones in the right size). I’m not losing out on every summer forever and ever, amen. I’m literally just going through a phase. That tiny shift in perspective helped me see things much differently. Lately I’ve been thinking about how this little phrase can be used as a mantra to help us get through everything we need to get through in life.

I’m worried about not sleeping well with a newborn. That’ll just be a phase.

I’m concerned about my budget and finances when on maternity leave. That’ll just be a phase.

Parents are worried about sending their kids back to school. Things will change. This is only just a phase.

People are afraid of going back to work after being sheltered for months at home. It will get easier, it’s only just a phase.

Many of us are missing travel and don’t know when we’ll be able to globe trot again. It’s only just a phase.

Of course we’re not sure how this pandemic is going to pan out. It’s only just a phase.

Many of life’s circumstances are out of our control, but the important thing to remember is that they’re only just a phase. We can look forward to a time in the future when things will be better and remind ourselves that we are not stuck in these circumstances forever.

On the other hand, many of the problems or challenges we face are within our control to do something about. So it’s also important to remember that we could be one decision, one reframe, one action away from moving away from the problem and towards a solution. We might feel stuck, but that too is just a phase. Whether it’s reframing the problem to look at it differently, or actually doing something about it, we are not helpless in all of life’s challenges.

So when things feel tough, or you’re feeling like you’re stuck, try my newest mantra, it’s only just a phase. Hopefully it will help you see a way through it.

And so it is.

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Coming out of a funk

Can you believe it’s been over six months since we went into quarantine?

I remember thinking I was dealing pretty well. And for the most part, I was. I was working, teaching Socacize virtually 3 times a week, keeping in touch with friends and family, I wasn’t losing my mind, and was generally keeping the COVID away.

I was just so tired. The things that I used to love including Socacize felt exhausting. I was so tired of being in front of screens and was losing momentum for teaching. I lost my drive for blogging, cleaning, and started spending more money online. Not to mention the blatant racism and social unrest we have been witnessing throughout the US. It’s hard for any of us to feel motivated or energized when we are witnessing such atrocities occurring over, and over, and over, again. And of course, I’m not even someone who identifies in the BIPOC spectrum, so I can only speak of this fatigue from a place of privilege, with no real understanding of what the BIPOC community are going through.

When things opened up again I realized how much momentum I had lost. Getting to see friends and family face to face again was so refreshing. Being able to teach Socacize in a room with other people brought back so much energy for me. Having friends over gave me a push to get my house looking and feeling more presentable. Being able to actually work outside of my home, go on long drives, and be in the community again felt like a gift. It really wasn’t until this all came together towards the end of the summer that I realized I wasn’t doing as well as I had thought. Even the prospect of going to the beach or going on a small road trip felt exciting again.

My intuition turned back on. I got some energy back. I wasn’t shopping online as much. I started bullet journaling again, and actually started accomplishing tasks regularly. I even developed a new plan for a pivot for this very business (more to come on that). It felt pretty darn good, even if it still feels like I’m at a fraction of the level of functioning I was before. But that’s okay too. It’s good to see that we can live without some things, and we can do other things differently than we’ve always done them. I don’t mind sticking around the house as much, but I also don’t feel as bothered by being around people and getting in my social fix. It’s been an interesting time of learning and growing, unlearning, reflecting, and reconsidering. I’m looking forward to fall, as it always feels like more of a new beginning for me than any other time of year. Cheers to new beginnings, and hopefully a better ending on the last quarter of 2020.

And so it is.

Stay tuned for updates on the Rose Quartz Rising pivot! Specifically, if you’re looking for some assistance sorting through a specific challenge, but don’t want to be sitting on a call once a week for several weeks to do it, contact me to see how we can work together. Because together, we rise.

I can't breathe.

“I can’t breathe.”

Some of the last words uttered by George Floyd, a black man murdered by a white police officer in Minneapolis.

“I can’t breathe.”

The feeling of suffocation and disgust by many of us around the world who continue to witness racism in action on a daily basis.

“I can’t breathe.”

The way I felt all day while trying to make sense of this all, trying to figure out what I can do, trying to check my privilege and stand up for the anti-racism movement.

White privilege is something. If you’ve never been afraid of the police, you have it. If you’ve never been disadvantaged by the mere colour of your skin, you have it. If you can’t see it, you definitely have it. I have it, you have it if you’re white, and every other white person has it.

We have been the oppressors. We have been the perpetrators. We have been the colonizers. We have been the assaulters, the traumatizers, the murderers. Sure, maybe not you and I specifically, but us: our ancestors, our people. If we can’t acknowledge that, then we are part of the problem.

It’s time to stop saying “this is disgusting,” then going back to our lives like nothing happened, or “thank goodness I don’t live in America,” as if racism doesn’t exist in Canada or anywhere else, because it happens all over the world. I’m guilty of both of these things. It’s uncomfortable, but discomfort equals growth. It’s time to rise up and be part of the solution.

Ahmaud Arbery. Murdered in Georgia while being chased and gunned down by two rednecks. WHILE HE WAS GOING FOR A RUN.

Breonna Taylor. Murdered in Kentucky by police in the middle of the night. IN HER OWN DAMN HOME.

George Floyd. Murdered in Minnesota by police after PLEADING FOR HIS LIFE.

And then there’s this.

Christian Cooper. Asked a white woman to follow the rules by leashing her dog in central park. Central Park Karen called the police saying she’s being threatened by an African American man. She tried to use police as her weapon, knowing full well that being white was her privilege.

Antonio Braswell & Felinzay Lundy. Out there doing their jobs and were verbally attacked by a white man. They recorded the incident. Then they were reportedly fired because of it.

This is not “America’s problem.” This is OUR problem. It’s a human race problem that white people created.

So, how do we fix it?

As a white person, I can’t tell you that. I choose to pass the mic to those who are qualified to speak about what needs to happen and have lived experience. Do the work, investigate your biases. Seek out resources. Start here: https://www.rachelricketts.com/

I can tell you what I plan to do:

Check my privilege. Abandon white fragility. Recognize my biases. Know that I’m not perfect. Keep trying to do better - it’s an ever-evolving thing. Pass the mic to allow others to share their story. Learn from POC’s and follow their lead. Learn from people like Rachel Ricketts. ESPECIALLY when it makes me feel uncomfortable, because that’s where the most work is needed.

Do the work people. Black lives matter. Let’s stop feigning disgust then going back to our lives like we’ve done our part. This is worth the effort. We all need to do the work.

And so it is.

Let's talk about stress

Well, here we are. I’m heading into week three of social distancing and work from home. It’s a tough adjustment for a lot of people. These times of uncertainty can lead to stress.

What is stress, exactly? It’s our brain and body’s reaction to a perceived threat. You see, humans have evolved to focus on the negative in order to be aware of anything that might be threatening to our survival. That hypervigilance has evolved to keep us safe. Fast forward to today, and we don’t have those same types of survival needs in our modern world, but our brain doesn’t really know that.

When we perceive something as threatening (job loss, health concerns, food stores running low, global recession, etc.), our logical thinking gets hijacked by the fear centre in the brain. Our body goes into fight or flight mode in order to prepare us to stay and fight or to turn and run. When in fight or flight, our heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate and muscle tension all increase. In this mode, we are not able to think as logically because our reptilian brain has taken over in survival mode and we lose activity in our frontal cortex, the area which allows us to plan and think clearly.

Now if we think about job loss, potential health concerns, global recessions, or anything related to the world we are living in right now, those things are not an immediate threat to our safety and survival. Sure, they may be a threat in the future, but currently, there is absolutely nothing we can do to fight or run from these factors. These things are just the reality of the world we are living in. Logically, it does not make sense for us to live in fight or flight mode regarding some future or perceived threat. So how can we work around it?

There are a lot of strategies we can use to help us fight stress, anxiety, and panic. These strategies are best practiced outside of when we’re having a full-blown moment of anxiety because, as I mentioned above, our brain doesn’t think very logically when we’re in in that mode.

It’s important to investigate and know our thoughts. What thoughts or images do we have that provoke our stress response? What-if statements like “What if I lose my job?” or “What if I get sick and die?” are catastrophic and future-focused thinking patterns that lead to more stress.

Worry is normal during times of uncertainty; if we investigate our worries, we can determine if they are problems we can solve right now. Psychology Tools calls these real-problem worries. Worries about problems that are in the future or unknown are hypothetical worries. Worry about hypothetical situations does not do us any good, and in fact causes more suffering in the moment. It triggers our stress response and sends us into a whirlwind of panic, preparing our bodies to fight or run… but there is nothing to actually fight or run from. Real-problem worries are those we can do something about. If the worry is a real-problem, we can take the time to work it out right now. If not, or if we can’t do anything about it right now, it’s best to let the worry go. This is easier said than done.

Once we know the thoughts and worries that trigger stress, we can do something about them. Although we usually don’t have control over the situation that causes us stress, we do have control over how we react, or better yet respond, to them. Instead of jumping into worrisome or catastrophic thinking patterns, we can talk back to our thoughts to change them. For instance “It’s natural for me to be concerned about my future but for now I have a job so I can focus on doing my best while I’m at work,” or “Although there is a very real reason to be afraid during this pandemic, I can do my best to keep myself safe by social-distancing, hand-washing and staying home.”

We can also use the RAIN method to help sort through our thoughts:

R-recognize what is going on in the mind and body

A-allow things to be, just as they are (accept)

I-investigate with kindness (use compassion and curiosity rather than judgement)

N-non-identification (I am NOT my thoughts).

Another method to dealing with stress is to change our physiology. We can change our behaviour to make ourselves feel better if we are unable to change our thoughts, or can’ seem to get out of that spiral of worry. We can physically get up, move our bodies, do something different and remove ourselves from the current situation. By doing this, the thoughts and stress will pass as we focus on something different and start to feel differently by moving our bodies.

When those stressful thoughts start to creep in as we are physically doing something different, practicing mindfulness can help. We can use all our senses to experience what we are doing. We can pour all of our attention into the task. When thoughts, worries, emotions or physical sensations come up, as they inevitably will, we can turn our attention back to what we were doing. It’s a great technique to be more in the moment.

Managing stress in times of uncertainty is not easy. Practicing good self-care, staying connected, being active, and practicing mindfulness are all ways we can manage stress.

And so it is.

If you would like some help managing stress, please contact me to join our 3-part stress management series on Zoom.

Because together, we rise.

The healing power of mindful coffee-drinking

Today I drank my cappuccino in silence. I’m not talking just about the no-sound kind of silence, but also silence from the flood of information passing through my news feed; I unplugged for a sweet 15 minutes of mindful cappuccino-making and subsequent drinking.

This past week has been a whirlwind: between the time change and the world unrest, panic, and frenzy about COVID-19, I, and I’m sure all of you, have been exhausted. I’m constantly reading news, analyzing whether or not it’s accurate, who is writing it, and deciding if it’s information I need to have. I’m seeing opinions ranging between utter panic and complete arrogance, both of which I find frustrating. It’s hard not to have an emotional reaction to all this information.

Enter mindfulness.

It’s the purposeful unplugging of external information and stimuli; it’s going within. It’s allowing ourselves to be, just as we are, without seeking more. It’s not distracting from the truth, it’s simply being.

Add a coffee to the mix, and it can be extremely pleasurable, a multi-sensory experience. So I began by grinding the coffee beans, enjoying the smell of the freshly ground beans. I fetched the milk for the frother jug and put a little maple syrup in the bottom of my favourite cappuccino mug. I tamped the espresso grinds down into the filter basket of the portafilter, and locked it in place in the machine. I watched as the espresso streamed out of the portafilter into the mug, creating a thick and beautiful crema. I then frothed the milk, listening to the sound of the steam wand whirling around in the milk and creating bubbles. I combined the frothed milk, espresso and maple syrup into my mug.

I sat down in my spot on the couch, held my warm mug, smelled the freshly brewed cappuccino and watched the steam leaving the mug, noticing all the bubbles in the foam. I drank, slowly, noticing the temperature, texture and taste of the drink as it entered my mouth and went down my esophagus. My mind wandered a million times, and I kept bringing it back to the present moment: nothing to worry about, it’s just me and my mug.

I had to resist the urge to jump up as soon as it was over and move on to the next thing, check my phone for updates, think about all the thoughts coming into my head. I mindfully noticed the urge, and sat.

While it might not seem like much, it was a blissful and healing moment for me during this bleak time we are experiencing. I feel the mindful moments are what helps me be clear on my needs, tune into my body, turn down the noise, and just be.

If you’d like some help with learning to practice mindfulness in your day to day life, please contact me to see how we can work together.

Because together, we rise.

And so it is.

Creating space

Creating space. These two words have been ringing in my mind since about the start of the new year.

I’m sorry, I’d love to have lunch for you, but I teach a class in the morning and run a meditation in the afternoon, and I need to create space for myself to ground and regroup between the two.

…

I’ve had a very busy week, but I’m happy I was able to create space for myself to rest despite all the action.

…

I really wanted to go to that show, but I also really need to create space for myself so I can be well and prepare for the week ahead.

…

Creating space.

It’s a way of boundary setting; it’s a mindful pause. It’s a way to protect my energy. It’s how I prioritize activities.

Now that I’m five months in to working full-time, teaching fitness anywhere between one and three days per week, and also running other aspects of my wellness business like keeping up with social media, blogging (sometimes), advertising, and running meditations, I’m aware of just how much energy these things require of me, what things I need to walk away from, and what things I need to put on pause (like writing regular blog posts). I’m cautious about getting wrapped into the world of '“I’m SO busy,” and I most certainly do not want to wear busyness as a badge of honour.

I love that I’m not chasing a paycheque to pay off debts anymore, which means the things I choose to do with my time outside of work are intentional and meaningful. While I still spend far too much time using my screens and on social media, and less time outdoors, meditating, and yoga-ing than I would like, I am creating better boundaries around things that might drain my energy.

I love the feeling of creating space for myself. It means I don’t run anymore. I know what I have to do and get it done, but not at the sake of my own physical health or mental wellness. I don’t really rush for things. I’m no longer running from activity to activity on the weekend without a break, feeling more tired on a Monday than I did the Friday before. I carved in sweet self-care Sundays where I can get caught up on some things at home, or just veg out and take it easy.

Sometimes maintaining that space is hard. Not because I have troubles creating it, but because I become bored and/or return to my automatic habits, forgetting to be intentional within that created space. My biggest struggle is losing myself in a rabbit-hole of social media nonsense or dog videos, or captioning posts for my business and fitness class. I’m trying to be compassionate with myself and remind myself that the value of my business or myself as a business owner does not correlate with posts, likes or response times. The blurred lines between resting, checking-out for a minute of mindless scrolling, and losing myself completely in my online world make it hard for me to respect the creation of space for myself overall.

What I do realize is that life is a work in progress. Creating space is a practice just like mindfulness and minimalism. None of them have to be done perfectly. The journey is more important than the destination, as they say.

So here’s to creating space in real life and online, at work and home, with friends and ourselves.

If you need some help creating space, or working on your own self-compassion, contact me to see how we can work together.

Because together, we rise.

Welcoming 2020 with new year's rituals

Hi friends and happy new year!

I hope everyone’s 2020 is off to a great start. Mine started slowly and painfully, with a flu that seems to be taking its sweet time to pass. I haven’t had too much excitement, but still managed to get through my usual new year’s rituals. I wanted to take a moment to go through them to share how I ring in the new year.

Word-of-the-Year

You can see my previous Word-of-the-Year post here. In short, it’s a word that we choose as an intention for the year ahead. Last year, I chose the word healer, because I was focused on my own post-concussion and career health, in addition to helping others heal their lives. While I continue to work on my healer capabilities, a new year brings new energy. This year my word of the year is wealth. I choose that word because not only am I focusing on financial wealth, but wealth of experiences & travel, friendships, health/wellness/fitness, presence/mindfulness, spirituality/intuition, and minimalism. This year I am tracking towards being debt free before the end of January, which will free up energy and space to pursue some of the areas I’ve been lacking in.

Gratitude Jar

My husband and I worked on our gratitude jar throughout the year. Some weeks and months we did better at remembering than others, but I find it a fun tradition on January 1st to review all that we were thankful for in the previous year. Some of the recurrent themes were: Maple (our fur baby), achieving our sports and fitness goals, getting a new deck, and working towards our financial goals. Now our big jar sits empty, ready for some more notes to be added over the next 12 months.

12-months Spread

For the past few years, I’ve done a monthly card spread. I have so many card decks that I love, so this year I decided to incorporate them all in some way. My spirit animal for the year will be Wolf. My virtue for the year will be Perseverance. My Enchanted Map message is Protecting Treasure - to move forward safely and securely. My Rebel Deck theme for the year will be to laugh more. Then for each month, I have two cards that will act as a theme and give me lessons and guidance to turn to as the month unfolds. These come from the Moon the Wild Unknown decks.

New Year’s Resolutions

This is something I have troubles with. Not because I feel I should take part, but because the feeling around it implies that our old, 2019 selves were not measuring up in some way. I typically steer clear of serious resolutions. However, I have found that very functional and simple habit changes have been attainable if I’ve made them into resolutions. For instance, last year I resolved to change my bed sheets every weekend. It’s laughable really, but I stuck to it and I was rewarded with fresh sheets every Sunday, and good sleeps every week! This year, my resolution, if you can even call it that, is to change my face cloth more often, like every day or two. Simple, attainable, not life changing.

Goals for 2020

I have some other goals for 2020. Some things my husband and I would like to work on together, other things I’ve come up with on my own. I’d really like to travel more this year. I’d like to think about getting another fitness certification, and I’m in the beginning stages of unrolling a cool coaching program later this year. I’m also going to focus on creating new and diverse friendships a bit closer to home. It’ll be interesting to look back this time next year to see how I did.

Salt Cave Meditation

Last year I started running a Year End Reflection & Meditation in a nearby salt cave. I loved it a lot. Guiding people through releasing from their past year, and setting intentions for the coming year is quite powerful, and I received a lot of positive feedback. Plus the cave itself is so healing and tranquil, that it feels like a mini retreat. So I’ll be back at it again next weekend. You can see the event here and get a ticket here if you’d like to join!

What are you up to with the energy of this new decade? Hopefully something that promotes light, love and positivity.

And so it is.

If you would like some help working towards your intentions or wellness goals, please contact me to see how we can work together. Because together, we rise.

I complimented a stranger and it made both of our days

It was a dreary, ice-stormy day. Manuel and I took Maple for a short walk then came home to chip the ice off our cars while our soup cooked in the slow cooker. I was worried about the ice on the roof of my car, so Manuel suggested I go for a drive to see if the car would heat up enough to melt the ice off. I thought it was a good idea since I had a couple errands to run anyway. I went to get gas and stopped at the grocery store to pick up one last ingredient for the soup.

I was waiting in the checkout aisle as I saw another woman in the aisle next to me. I immediately thought how striking she was. She wasn’t done up, she was simply dressed for the weather. She stood tall, her hair was wrapped and she was just naturally pretty.

Not thinking too much about it, I cashed out, packed my bag and headed for the door. She finished up next to me and left at the same time, so on a whim, I thought I should tell her my thoughts. I sheepishly turned to her, and not really knowing how to start, I awkwardly said, “So this is a little weird but…” I could see her looking at me out the side of her eye, very guarded, as if she was thinking, “Okay…what is this weirdo talking about?” I went on, “I saw you checking out and I noticed how stunning you look, and I thought you should know that.”

Immediately, her face changed, her eyes lit up, her hand went over her heart and she gasped, “Thank you! That’s so sweet!” I told her she was welcome and went on my merry way.

What I wasn’t expecting from this brief interaction is how her reaction made me feel. I smiled and I felt my heart expanding. I felt a wave of emotion that just made me feel so good, because I saw how good I just made someone feel. I left there wondering why I don’t do this kind of thing more often. I frequently see things I like and keep it to myself, but I decided I’m going to make an effort to do these things more often - with both strangers and people I know.

Care to join me? It’s free and it sure does feel great!

And so it is.

If you need some help coming up with ways to make yourself feel great, please contact me to see how we can work together.

Because together, we rise.

Be careful what you wish for

Hi Friends & happy Sunday! I can’t believe it’s been almost two months since my last blog post. How time flies!

Not that long ago I posted about not feeling very engaged in my life and work, and taking a leap of faith into another full time position. In addition to that, I’ve been teaching my Socacize Fitness classes. Generally I have been feeling more engaged in my life, which has been fantastic. My last four or so weekends have been filled with laughter and fun. I’ve spent time with some of my greatest friends, had some fun, made some new friends, had the best time teaching my fitness classes, and it’s been a time.

Do you remember when I said that I needed more of a challenge, that my past work was pretty slow, that my life was really quiet? That has all changed. Not only have I been doing more outside of work, but I’ve been quite challenged in my new role. As you know, I was seeking a challenge, looking forward to it, leaning into the fear of it, but when the real challenge hit, I freaked the eff out! Not in a serious way, but more of an ohmigosh, WTF have I gotten myself into, kind of way. Yes, I asked for it, and when it came, I was so filled with fear and doubt that I didn’t know what to do.

The interesting thing about this is the timing of it. It was mercury retrograde, there was a full moon, I suddenly got an intense bout of brain injury symptoms that I hadn’t experienced in a long time (yes, they’re back. Hello non-linear post-concussion recovery.. ugh), and on top of it all, I went back to my 12-month card spread for 2019 and noticed that my card for the month of November was self-destruction! So all of the energy of those things really fed into the fear and doubt I was experiencing about my work. It took numerous pep talks from my amazing team of current co-workers and managers, check-ins with past co-workers, de-briefs with my friends, a supportive chat with my husband, another one with my dad and a therapy session to sort through it.

In the end, the one specific thing I had been fearing turned out to be very reasonable once I worked through it on my own with some guidance, so the problem pretty much solved itself!

I reflected on some of the lessons I learned in my meditation classes with New Kadampa Buddhism here in London. The Buddhist nun spoke a lot about the delusions of the mind and how we cause ourselves unnecessary suffering just by virtue of having incorrect thoughts, and that’s exactly what I did. If it weren’t for my own perceptions of the situation, worry, and fear, I would have handled the task exactly as I did, with less mental anguish leading me up to it.

In reflecting with those around me, a couple themes came to light. One was that even though I may have never done something before, it does not mean that I can’t do a good job with some good preparation and coaching, based on my existing skill set. Another theme was that I have a history of stressing about work things and then they work themselves out (my Dad pointed that one out). Another theme was that this is a great learning experience and an opportunity for growth, which is exactly what I had been asking for, so there was no need to fear it! The other was that I had made the situation worse than it actually was by thinking negatively about it. Finally, my best friend reminded me that this job was created for me; in fact, I manifested this job. So what is to come in this job is only for my own greatest good - I just have to TRUST the process. Whether I’m meant to stay in this job for a super long time, or it’s a stepping stone for something else, it was made for me and it’s exactly where I need to be right now.

After all that, I’m feeling better about where I’m at. It’s funny to me to think about, because I actually asked the Universe for a new challenge, a new job, more engagement, and lots of other things. I got everything I asked for, then proceeded to question every aspect of my abilities in following through on this wish. I am only human after all, but I’m so grateful I can look at this experience from different perspectives, and that I have so many people in my community that can help me sort through these things.

And so it is.

If you’re feeling stressed about your work or an aspect of your life, and want to work through some strategies to manage it, please contact me to see how we can work together.

Because together, we rise.

The butterfly and the hawk

How do you receive messages from the universe? I usually get mine in the form of animals, sometimes in real life and sometimes in dreams. I’ve been coming across a lot of hawks over the past year. I remember seeing one killing a small bird on a hydro line in downtown London about a year ago. I’ve seen them countless times since. Most recently, I came across one perched on a fence in my residential neighbourhood one morning as I was walking my dog. I stopped and watched it for a while, until it effortlessly jumped off the fence, expanded its wings and flew right in front of me and across the street.

Last weekend, I was driving from London to Hamilton. I saw another hawk on the side of Highway 403, clear as day, likely eating its breakfast. For the rest of the drive, I felt as though my car were surrounded by monarch butterflies. They were everywhere! I know it’s the season, but the fact that I’ve never seen so many at once, let alone while driving over 100 km/hr on the highway, meant to me that I needed to pay attention to both the butterflies and the hawks.

When I got home, I took out my animal card deck and investigated the significance for both. Hawk says that the universe is sending signals, to be observant and look at our surroundings. Wow! That means to pay more attention to those butterflies. Hawk also says to pay attention, for “you are only as powerful as your capacity to perceive, receive, and use your abilities…Hawk people see the overall view…Hawk medicine people are aware of omens, messages from the Spirit…”

Reflecting on this information, I felt I really should be paying more attention to the message of the butterfly, since seeing the hawk triggered me to notice the butterflies. The butterfly is all about transformation. There are four stages of transformation: the egg (beginning) stage; the larva (creating) stage; the cocoon (going within) stage; and the birth (sharing the births of your creation with the world) stage. My fog has finally lifted; I’ve recreated my career and I’ve created an energy around this amazing community of women who are joining me in my socacize journey. These births have given me a spark of energy that I haven’t had in a long time, if ever, and they are allowing me to move beyond the egg stage in other areas of my life. I’ve gotten so many new and inspiring ideas, some new business opportunities, and some more blogging inspiration. All these things are at different stages in their own transformation journey but I might not have thought about them, noticed them, or acted upon them had I not been thinking about the butterfly.

So the hawk wants me to pay attention to the butterfly’s transformation.

And so it is.

If you would like to improve upon listening to the messages from the universe, following your own butterfly’s journey or anything life and wellness coach-y, please contact me to see how we can work together. Because together, we rise.

Feeling engaged in life

Hi friends, happy back to school week!

I always feel like September feels more like a new year than the actual New Year. It feels like things really change - the weather is changing, people are going back to work and back to school; there’s a feeling of transition and seriousness in the air. For me, I’m finishing my last full work week at my current job and gearing up to start my new job next week. I’m hosting a Pop Up event here in London to promote my new Socacize fitness class next weekend, then will be launching my own classes starting Saturday, September 14th. It feels like back to school for me too!

With all this excitement and change coming my way, I’ve really been reflecting about how I’ve been feeling in my life. To sum it up, the word unengaged comes to mind. I went from being this busy, active person, working a few jobs, trying to hustle to promote my life coaching bizz, working, playing soccer, going to Zumba religiously, and getting to the gym a few times a week, to being a non-busy homebody post concussion. There was a period of transition where I fought slowing down, but eventually knew that slowing down would be essential to my healing. I stopped the hard daily grind. All I had in me was enough energy to get through the workday; I’d come home with an excruciating headache, neck ache, and vocal chord fatigue, and just lie on the couch all evening. On weekends I took a whole day off just to rest, because that’s what I needed to get me through the next work week. Luckily for me, I kept at all my therapies and tried some new modalities which really started to help. Since January, I’ve slowly been increasing my fitness program and socializing.

But the reality is that I have not felt engaged in my life since that time. I would go to work, and you’ll know if you read my last blog post, that I have been understimulated and unengaged there for a very long time. I’d have days where I would be at my desk the entire day, without working with one client. I would waste that entire day just mindlessly scrolling on my phone. While I had things I could be doing, I wouldn’t do them, because I didn’t have the drive, and I had an endless amount of time. Some days would be so boring that I would even talk myself out of going to the gym at lunch so that I could leave earlier, even though I know that it would make more sense for me to go to the gym and feel better. I’d come home, and feeling exhausted from my doing nothing all day, be so uninspired to do anything at home.

I started to notice that I no longer had my drive to wake up early and take Maple for a nice walk before work. I felt lethargic all day, and went up to 2 coffees every single day. Because I had SO much time on my hands (I don’t work Mondays), I started procrastinating, because anything I had to do, could be done later. I realized that on my ‘rest days’ I was just escaping even more into my phone, and on my ‘days off,’ I’d typically book appointments, but couldn’t bring myself to do anything worthwhile between appointments. I couldn’t keep up with blogging every Monday, because I just felt like I had nothing to say (hello blogging dry spell between about February-July). Some months, I didn’t even write one blog post. People would ask me how my coaching business is going and I would bluntly reply, “well it’s not, really.”

There is a zone between overengaged and underengaged that is the sweet spot. It is just enough free time to rest and be, but busy enough to keep the momentum going day to day. I am trying really hard to not add in so many things at once, that I become that overengaged person I was before. With the start of my new adventures, working 5 days a week at a job that will actually have work for me, launching Socacize, and all the prep that comes along with these things, I’m really hoping to find that sweet spot.

Even with the hint of change coming my way in my own metaphorical back to school season, I do feel of late that I already have more pep in my step. My conversations are more animated, I’m doing more, I’m making better use of my time, and I’m not feeling the pull to escape into my phone. I finally feel like I found my groove in Socacize. I’m so excited to roll out these classes and build the Socacize community here in London. It feels great to have blogging ideas again. Believe it or not, I also think bumping up to working 5 days a week will be good for me at this point in my life. It’ll allow me a larger pacheque - bonus! - and keep my week structured in a way that I probably need. I’m really looking forward to this change too, being able to work in a home-based office and planning my own schedule to go out and see my clients.

It’s true life has it’s ebbs and flows. Looks like for me, I’m coming out of an ebb and into a flow, and working really hard to just float with it rather than dive into the rapids or get stuck in a stagnant pool!

And so it is.

If you are in the London, Ontario area and would like to try out a Socacize class, see my events page for info on how to join.

If you’re looking for some strategies on finding your sweet spot, contact me to see how we can work together.

Because together, we rise.

Chasing change & leaning into the fear

Have you ever chased something so hard, then when it finally comes comes you’re like “oh hell nah” ?! In a way, that’s been my experience lately, and I thought I’d share. As I’ve alluded to a bit in my blog, I’ve been pondering changing professions and seeking new opportunities. In my current role as a community occupational therapist in mental health, I feel like I’ve exhausted all my learning and growth opportunities. I’ve been feeling understimulated and disengaged from my work for a long time. In fact, our referrals have been so low, that some weeks, I only have 1 or 2 people booked, and in the back of my mind I’ve been expecting to be laid off. I work a 32 hour work week, which means that on weeks when I only see 1 or 2 people, I have 30 hours to fill with work that does not exist. It’s been painfully exhausting, frustrating and defeating. I’ve been really focusing my job search efforts over the past few months to work outside of just clinical work. I’ve selectively applied to positions in every non-traditional clinical setting I could find, that fit with my intentions. I have had hopes of using my skills to promote wellness, and essentially be a “wellness coach” in my day-to-day work. I worked on manifesting a job that’s a great fit, with better pay, in an environment that I enjoy. Every new moon cycle over the past year has included some form of imagery towards a new role.

In January, I, and many other OTs I know, received a generic recruiting letter from a consulting company that is well-known for its workplace wellness initiatives. I never wanted to apply for another occupational therapy job, but a few months after receiving the letter, I thought I’d reach out to the company, just to see what they had to offer. That turned into a request for a formal application. Over the summer, I’ve had about 6 or 7 phone calls/interviews/meetings with this consulting company. All the while, I was never sure if they were even going to hire me, and if so, whether it would be on a casual basis, part time or full time. As a matter of fact, they informed me that there was not actually a job available that I applied to. Over the course of the summer after multiple meetings, I found out that they were interested in creating a role for me - talk about manifesting! They offered me a combination of work as a clinician, and eventually as a clinical lead and project developer. How cool is that?! Oh right, and I’d be getting a huge raise and working out of my home-based office daily!

Seems like a no-brainer right? Actually, for the first time ever, I was afraid of change. After all the anguish and all the applications I sent out, I finally found the change I was looking for, but I was afraid of the unknown. I started doing the what-ifs. I started all of a sudden liking my current job more, despite having been feeling defeated for over two years. In all my past transitions (professional and personal), I have never been afraid of change; I’ve always embraced it. But this time, I was so nervous about it.

A long time ago in my early 20’s, I missed an opportunity that I later regretted. Since that time, I’ve had the mantra “never miss an opportunity” and I knew I couldn’t let this opportunity pass just because of fear. I also know that the thing we fear the most is the thing that’s going to push us to grow, learn, and eventually thrive, even though it might be a little messy at first. I turned my catastrophic what-if’s into positive ones: What if I love this work so much that I stay there for the next fifteen years or more? Of course I gratefully accepted the position even with my unnecessary mental suffering.

Then the next hurdle came - having to give my notice at the place I’ve been settled in for nearly 5 years, having to inform my colleagues, notifying my clients, getting all my ducks in a row, and considering walking away from my comfort zone, work I know inside and out, and walking into something completely different and unknown to me. Not being a procrastinator, I had those conversations right away so I could start moving forward. The immediate response I received was “that’s going to be a great fit for you!” from a few of my close colleagues. My immediate response to that was “I’m so nervous about it.”

However, as the week progressed, I started noticing small affirmations all over the place. The universe was sending me messages. As more colleagues learned about my decision, they started telling me how much I’ll be missed, and how lucky the new company is to have me! What an emotional experience. I started to remember some of the things that frustrated me about my current role, and that underlying boredom acted as an affirmation that this is no longer the right fit for me. I realized the new company was so responsive to any of my questions or concerns as they came up. They even set up a time for me to speak with my new manager well before my start date, to ask any questions and have a general conversation about the role and the job duties. That conversation was the final affirmation I needed to drop the fear, because her description of the role just felt so right for me at this point in my career. I realized that I had truly manifested this job with all my new moon wishes and didn’t see it unfolding right in front of my eyes, because it was a little different than my original vision. Oh, and of course I asked my card deck for advice. Guess what cards I drew? One said WORK THROUGH YOUR FEARS while the other said, THE END OF A TOUGH CYCLE APPROACHES. Mind. Blown. Universe, you co-created this with me - thank you!

The moral of the story is that yes, change is hard. But we will never know what we might be missing out on if we don’t keep an open mind, lean into the fear and listen to the messages sent from the universe. Ladies and gents, follow your intuition, stay true to yourselves and remember, there are three answers to any wish: Yes; Yes, but not right now; or No, because there’s something better in store for you.

And so it is.

If you need some help navigating change in your life, please contact me to see how we can work together. Because together, we rise.

25 things you might not know about me

Well hello there! I’m fresh out of Caribana weekend in Toronto (aka Toronto Carnival) and home recovering from the amazing weekend. I took out Oprah Winfrey’s new book, The Path Made Clear, from the library and came across a passage about 25 things you might not know about me. I thought it would be a cool way to introduce myself a little further in this blog. So, here goes. Here are 25 things about me in no specific order:

1. I have a weird love for Caribbean culture, considering I grew up in Northern Ontario. I love soca music, dancing, eating the food, and now can add playing mas (participating in the parade) to the list.

2. I know how to make perogies from scratch. I made my grandma on my mom’s side teach me and for the longest time I was the only one who could do it in the family after she passed away.

3. I grew up camping, fishing and hunting with my dad, grandpa and brother. I always felt bad about hunting though.

4. I always had dogs in my life, and grew up to be a serious dog lover. My little princess Maple is an Eskimo Poodle cross and just celebrated her 11th birthday!

5. I work as an occupational therapist and have been struggling with job satisfaction for a long time. I’m considering a career-switch but am being extremely mindful and selective about what it is I do.

6. I have a black belt in taekwondo. I used to compete a lot and also self-taught how to use sais, kamas and a bo-staff.

7. I grew up always feeling as if I didn’t belong. Even now I have instances of feeling “different” and not quite fitting in. The difference is that before I saw that as a flaw and now I see it as a special character trait.

8. I’m a terrible liar. I’ve always been unfortunately honest. Still learning how to be more graceful about it.

9. I absolutely LOVE waking up early but hate getting out of bed. So it’s a real struggle to make it happen.

10. My coaching business isn’t doing so great right now. I’ve never been so good at selling. I don’t have a niche or a real direction. But do you know what, I’m okay with it, and I have total faith that it will all work out.

11. Boredom is a trigger emotion for me. I’ve discovered that it leads to emotionally eating and mindlessly scrolling. I’ve also discovered it relates to my childhood where I had to learn to be independent from a pretty young age.

12. I work with a psychotherapist regularly and I’m not afraid to tell people about it.

13. Working out, exercising, dance aerobics, and general physical activity like biking, snowshoeing and skiing really make me feel alive.

14. Traveling is a huge passion of mine. I haven’t gone anywhere exciting in a couple years and that makes me sad.

15. My husband and I met in a bar. We’ve been together for almost 10 years and just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. He’s swell.

16. One of my life goals was to learn to speak French fluently. I did that when I lived in northern New Brunswick for about 6 months. Then I moved to London, Ontario and have barely spoken French since. I’ve lost a lot of the language.

17. I learned how to understand Spanish because my mother-in-law speaks to me in Spanish. I didn’t know any Spanish before I met my in-laws but now I can understand it fairly well. I can speak basic Spanish but since my head injury in 2018, I feel like I’ve lost my ability to spontaneously say anything in the language.

18. I got rear-ended when I was about 17 or so and have experienced some degree of driving anxiety ever since, especially as a passenger. It’s much improved since I started teaching an anxiety management group though.

19. I love minimalism but I’m stuck in my minimalism journey. I feel like I have way too much stuff but don’t have the drive to continue with downsizing.

20. My grandfather on my dad’s side loved to dance. He used to go out in his tap shoes and bring along his castonettes to any party he went to. I think I inherited my rhythm from him.

21. I’m an extroverted introvert. I can turn it on around people and be funny and charismatic (like my dad), but need my alone time to re-charge and ground.

22. My mom taught me how to have good boundaries. I have no troubles saying no and making time for myself.

23. I struggle with fatigue, pain and digestive issues, and have as long as I can remember. It can be a real bummer. I try not to talk about it a lot but at times I feel like a serious hypochondriac.

24. I know how important meditation is for me and my brain, yet I have troubles getting to it regularly.

25. I’m taking Socacize Instructor training and will be rolling out the program in London in September and I’m SO excited about it. Stay tuned if you’re in the London area for dates, times and locations! If you’re not familiar with Socacize, it’s a Caribbean dance aerobics class and the most feel-good fitness program I’ve ever done! I’ll link to a promo video if you’re interested.

Well, that’s all for now folks! If there was a number 26 it would say: I’m a life and wellness coach and I’m also a real human. I help people because I experience life the same way others do. So if you’re interested in socacize or if you’d like some coaching to help with your own journey to wellness, contact me to see how we can work together, because together, we rise.

And so it is.

Walking the talk

Well hello there! It’s been a minute. Let me explain: life. That is all. While nothing majorly exciting has been going on, life has been happening every damn day, so that’s a thing.

I’ve been feeling overly apathetic lately about a lot of things: writer’s block (hence the lack of recent blog posts), the very slow pace of my coaching business, feeling un-inspired and under-stimulated in my current day job. I’ve pretty much just been laying low. It’s a bit of a trickle-effect: apathy in one area tends to trigger apathy elsewhere.

On the other hand, I suppose there has also been a LOT of things happening that I haven’t really thought about until now. Let’s see: parents visiting for a month, taking 2 college courses to upgrade my skills, building a new deck (mostly supervising the building of the new deck), summer adventures to BBQ’s and festivals, working with students both at work as a preceptor and outside of work in a mentorship program, seeking all sorts of therapies for my own wellness, preparing for Caribana, researching and prepping for more inspiring work opportunities, thinking about how I’m going to complete my Mindfulness without Borders certification, driving an hour each way to attend a 1-hour fitness class, and keeping up with my own regular workout routine. Sheesh I guess I have been up to a lot! It’s interesting how one might think they are not doing much in life until they sit down and take an inventory.

That being said, my general sense of apathy has been affecting my ability to do some other things I really enjoy. What I’ve noticed is when I’m understimulated at work, I’m much less likely to get things done. I feel like I’ve got SO much time to get to a task, so I put it off until I have to do it. The worst bi-product of all of that is that I’m filling my time with mindless scrolling, which really affects my brain in terms of ability to focus, concentrate, delay gratification and remain present.

Looks like it’s really time to walk my talk. I promote wellness and contentment and mindfulness with my entire being. While I know I’m still doing lots of things to improve my own wellness, there are a lot of things I haven’t been accountable for. Regular mindfulness practice is one of those things. Actively engaging in life (and walking away from that damn screen) is another. Waking up early to enjoy the morning peacefulness and take my dog Maple for a nice walk is something I’ve been putting off until later in the day. Dedicating my time to a worthy cause - one which makes me feel appreciated, honoured and like a contributing member of a workplace is another thing. I have been working on this last one by spending a lot of time trying to manifest something that is the right fit. I’m at the point now where I’ve released and am waiting for the Universe to come through. But I know the way I spend my days is not helping this cause.

A couple of the observations I’ve made lately are as follows: I feel most authentically like myself when my body is lean and strong. Movement is my medicine. I’ve been doing well with keeping up my activity levels while also listening to my body’s cues. I also feel so incredibly happy after I’ve done a Socacize class. This is the one I mentioned above, whereby I drive one hour and eleven minutes to be exact, to take a one hour class, then turn around and drive another hour and eleven minutes to get back home. And you know what? It’s totally worth it! I can’t think of a better way to spend my Sunday mornings, knowing how great I feel afterwards. I’ve even made a great connection with the instructor who I think is just a wonderful human being!

But what’s even better than that? Actually taking the plunge to get certified to teach that class and bring it here to London. It’s been about 8 or 9 years since I’ve taught fitness, but in the past year, I’ve really felt the pull to get back into it. I have some specific classes that I want to get trained to teach, and Socacize is one of them. Last year with my sports injury, it was not the right time, but now it is. Taking this training is part of walking my talk: feeling good about my choices, spending my time in a worthwhile way, doing something that makes me happy, inspiring others, and helping others feel good about themselves!

What things could you be doing to walk your talk? What things are you not doing now that your soul has been whispering for you to do? What needs to change?

And so it is.

If you need some help walking your talk, or working on your wellness plan, please contact me to see how we can work together. Because together, we rise.

Compassion and all that jazz

Well hello there! It’s been a really long while.

You see, I’ve had significant blogger’s block for the past couple months. I just can’t figure it out. I really enjoy writing my blog and putting my thoughts into the universe. Even more so, I love when random people tell me they read my most recent post and how they related to it, or what it made them think. But lately, I just haven’t had the inspiration, dedication or motivation to sit down and write something blog-worthy. As a matter of fact, I haven’t even really been journaling all that much either. I guess it’s just a general trend in non-writing that seems to have me stuck. Luckily for me, I’m a life and wellness coach so I have lots of tools to get me out of a funk…when I put them to use!

Today I’m taking a different spin. Since I don’t have a lot to write about, I thought I’d pull out my conscious conversations card deck, pick a few cards at random, and answer the questions as they come up.

Card 1: How can you be more compassionate with yourself and others?

I can be more compassionate by recognizing my own bias, judgement and expectations, and recognizing that those are not the rules by which I, or others need to live. I can decide to be a different version of myself on any given day. I can try to see differing perspectives. I can be gentle with myself and others when things might not go as planned. I can try to understand where others are coming from. I can remind myself that everyone is doing the best with what they have, and ever person has a different life experience. I can remind myself that I am doing my best, and some days are better than others, but it’s all okay. I can withhold negative statements about others or self-deprecating ones. I can see myself and others as being love, and being in need of love. I can remind myself that we are all human beings.

Card 2: How much screen time do you have in a day? How can you reduce it?

Oh Lawdy! The answer to this question is: Too. Damn. Much! I do not have an app that measures my screen time but I already know that it’s excessive. I use my phone for functional tasks like banking, checking the weather, and responding to emails. I am aware that if I only used my cellphone for the tools it was designed for, I would be on it much, much less than I am now. But I also use it as an escape, a tool for distraction, a way of entertaining myself, and I always find myself down a rabbit hole of social media. How can I reduce it? Well, I’ve had good success in the past with having cellphone sabbaticals and it was really great. I taught myself how to self-soothe again without the need for a screen, find other ways to conquer boredom, and be more engaged in my life. In fact, this was a great question and one I really needed to reflect upon. I’m not sure how I went from cellphone sabbaticals to being glued to my device again within a one-year time frame. Looks like I’ve got some work to do. Thanks, Universe!

Card 3: Why should we stop complaining and see the world more positively?

This is a good one. I’ve read a lot of information about how the brain works, and I’m well-aware that we are hard-wired for negativity. Why? Well, because our ancestors needed to be aware of when things were not going right in order to survive the harsh conditions of their lives. While we as a society have adapted, our brains continue to be wired to see the negative, as a survival mechanism, even though we are not in harm’s way. If we go from complaining to focusing on the positive, we can take ourselves from surviving to thriving. The other thing to consider is the old neurological saying: neurons that wire together, fire together! This means the more we practice a habit, the better we get at it. So if we are practicing complaining, it becomes our default reaction. BUT, if we can catch ourselves being about to complain and reframe it into something more positive, we are starting to create neural pathways that will start to get stronger at focusing on the positive. With more practice, we get better at seeing the positive; we actually start to notice more good things going on around us, and it makes us feel better in the end. Plus, there is no shortage on negative news stories, bad politics, and hate in the world. It just makes natural sense to me, that if I can’t change the world, I can change myself, and that might have an impact on others around me. So I really should start focusing more on the good, and re-wire my brain for positivity: it’s good for us all!

OK last one. Card 4: Who are you at your core without titles, accomplishments, or roles?

This is a loaded question, but since I created these cards and wrote these questions, I’m lucky to have an answer already: I am light. I am love. Even if I might have dark humour and be cynical in my day-to-day life, that is not who I am at my core. I’m more than just a coach, or a wife, or a daughter, or an occupational therapist. My essence, my soul, is pure. It is light and love at its core and that is who I am. Just like you, and every other human being in the universe.

Now it’s your turn. How might you answer these questions for yourself?

And so it is.

If you are looking for some guidance answering intellectual questions that might guide you to more wellness and an improved quality of life, please contact me to see how we can work together.

Because together, we rise.

My soul's whispers

Today my soul whispers. It says, “Do something different.” It says, “You’ve learned all you can here, it’s now time to move on.” I know this; I feel it too. I can feel in my spirit that a good change is coming. I don’t know what, when, or how, but I know it is.

My soul is craving more learning, which also comes in the form of teaching.

My soul whispers to be generous, to donate to a good cause.

My soul whispers to clean up, organize and purge. It’s time to feel the clear energy of my space.

My soul urgently whispers to start eating cleanly, to get better at managing my intake, and to eat intuitively, because my soul whispers that this is the key to reducing all the inflammation I feel.

My soul sees a movie: I rise at 5 am, walk Maple, exercise, meditate and get ready for the day. I go to work at a place where I continue to learn and grow, inspire others, and feel of value. I’m fairly compensated and provided with more than I need, so I can save for the future, be generous to others and experience the world with loved ones. I’m also teaching fitness again, to a group of faithful followers, who continue to inspire me everyday. My home life is simple, peaceful, abundant and full of love.

This is my soul’s whisper.

This is what the universe manifests for me. I can feel its power - the rising within, the force coming my way.

And so it is.

If you’re hearing your soul’s whispers and need a plan for moving towards the bigger and better, contact me to see how we can work together.

Because together we rise.

Defining relaxation

It’s a Thursday. I’m just getting home from work. I’ve had an exhausting day; my voice hurts, my head hurts. For the first evening all week, I have the option to have a free evening. My choices are to get home, rush to have dinner, and run out to the Buddhism class I’ve been skipping since January, or to enjoy one night of not rushing out and just relax. My headache and fatigue don’t motivate me to rush to make dinner and get out the door by 6:45, so I choose the latter. I settle into the couch, make a cappuccino and chill out before I do anything. I quickly check social media. Next thing I know an hour has gone by, my cappuccino is done and I’ve refreshed all my feeds mindlessly for no reason over and over for the past sixty minutes. Not wanting to waste my evening, I get up, start making dinner. My husband is staying late to play squash tonight so it’s all up to me. I cook, eat, clean, pack away lunches, and it’s time to walk Maple. I’m feeling pretty good by time I get home and I still have a few hours to relax before I start getting ready for bed.

So Maple and I snuggle up on the couch, ready for a great relaxation session, and…I pull out my phone. You see, I’m reading an e-book at the moment, and it’s on my phone, as much as I don’t like it. I realize I’ve mindlessly been scrolling without even remembering my intention to read. So I pull up the book. I get a few distracting notifications. I read a few pages. I’m back to texting or watching puppy videos. Ok, seriously, I’m getting back to relaxing. I hunker down again, but can’t focus on my book, and I don’t really have any other relaxing thing I’d like to do. Before I know it, it’s 9pm and I feel so drained from my so-called relaxing, restful, non-rushing night. I’m kicking myself for not making the best of it, for feeling like I’ve wasted the night. I could have done a workout, but didn’t. I saw a new recipe on Pinterest and now I’m fighting the urge to bake some gluten-free, vegan delicacy at 9pm when I should really just be getting ready for bed.

Unfortunately for me, I haven’t chosen my Buddhism class in a long while, and it would certainly be much more relaxing than what I’ve described above. I also know that this has been the reality of my past few Thursdays in a row. As I was reflecting upon this recently, I realized that I really don’t know how to relax. Most people, including me, associate the word relaxation with the imagery of a sandy beach, an ocean, all-you-can-drink and endless buffets, or maybe a week out at the cottage (or up at camp for any of the Northerners reading), enjoying the wilderness. I know my northern Ontario friends and family are much better at making wilderness relaxation a part of their regular life, but the rest of us typically do a cottage or a beach vacation once or twice a year at the most. With 52 weeks in a year, why is it that we only associate relaxation with that beach vacation or camping trip that MIGHT only happen on one or two of those weeks? What about the other weeks of the year? And days of the week other than weekends?

I’ve realized that I don’t actually have a definition of relaxation that coincides with my regular, normal, mundane life. I have a vision of relaxation that happens when I go to the beach, or if I sit outside on a summer day, reading a good paper book, or if I’m camping, but I don’t actually know what to do to relax on a daily basis, on a rainy day, a winter day, a Thursday evening after work, or even on my rest days on Sunday.

We live in such a distracted world that we can only do nothing if it involves being behind a screen. We need screens to get us through meals alone, quiet nights, even bathroom breaks and stop lights for some folks. If we can’t even do some of those things without distraction, then how can we possibly engage in relaxation without distraction?

If we want to really, truly relax, we need to learn how to define it for ourselves outside of those paradise images we typically associate with relaxation. We also need to learn to sit through the discomfort of silence and boredom. We need to get creative and use our imagination. We need to be mindful. We need to intend to relax in the most relaxing way possible, in other words, without technology.

Some things I associate relaxation with are: books, fires, my home, nature, meditation, walking, freedom from agendas, baking, drinking a nice coffee, silence, yoga, saunas, and self-care. The way I see relaxation would be similar to planning a retreat for myself and having an intention behind the relaxation. In this way, I can intentionally know how I would like my evening to go and not blowing hours being distracted. I’m going to give this a try next time I have some downtime and see if I can actually feel relaxed.

Do you know how to relax? Is it an intentional practice you have? If not, hopefully you can take something out of this and craft a relaxation program of your own.

And so it is.

If you need some assistance crafting your relaxation program, please contact me to see how my coaching services can help.

Because together, we rise.