Have you ever chased something so hard, then when it finally comes comes you’re like “oh hell nah” ?! In a way, that’s been my experience lately, and I thought I’d share. As I’ve alluded to a bit in my blog, I’ve been pondering changing professions and seeking new opportunities. In my current role as a community occupational therapist in mental health, I feel like I’ve exhausted all my learning and growth opportunities. I’ve been feeling understimulated and disengaged from my work for a long time. In fact, our referrals have been so low, that some weeks, I only have 1 or 2 people booked, and in the back of my mind I’ve been expecting to be laid off. I work a 32 hour work week, which means that on weeks when I only see 1 or 2 people, I have 30 hours to fill with work that does not exist. It’s been painfully exhausting, frustrating and defeating. I’ve been really focusing my job search efforts over the past few months to work outside of just clinical work. I’ve selectively applied to positions in every non-traditional clinical setting I could find, that fit with my intentions. I have had hopes of using my skills to promote wellness, and essentially be a “wellness coach” in my day-to-day work. I worked on manifesting a job that’s a great fit, with better pay, in an environment that I enjoy. Every new moon cycle over the past year has included some form of imagery towards a new role.
In January, I, and many other OTs I know, received a generic recruiting letter from a consulting company that is well-known for its workplace wellness initiatives. I never wanted to apply for another occupational therapy job, but a few months after receiving the letter, I thought I’d reach out to the company, just to see what they had to offer. That turned into a request for a formal application. Over the summer, I’ve had about 6 or 7 phone calls/interviews/meetings with this consulting company. All the while, I was never sure if they were even going to hire me, and if so, whether it would be on a casual basis, part time or full time. As a matter of fact, they informed me that there was not actually a job available that I applied to. Over the course of the summer after multiple meetings, I found out that they were interested in creating a role for me - talk about manifesting! They offered me a combination of work as a clinician, and eventually as a clinical lead and project developer. How cool is that?! Oh right, and I’d be getting a huge raise and working out of my home-based office daily!
Seems like a no-brainer right? Actually, for the first time ever, I was afraid of change. After all the anguish and all the applications I sent out, I finally found the change I was looking for, but I was afraid of the unknown. I started doing the what-ifs. I started all of a sudden liking my current job more, despite having been feeling defeated for over two years. In all my past transitions (professional and personal), I have never been afraid of change; I’ve always embraced it. But this time, I was so nervous about it.
A long time ago in my early 20’s, I missed an opportunity that I later regretted. Since that time, I’ve had the mantra “never miss an opportunity” and I knew I couldn’t let this opportunity pass just because of fear. I also know that the thing we fear the most is the thing that’s going to push us to grow, learn, and eventually thrive, even though it might be a little messy at first. I turned my catastrophic what-if’s into positive ones: What if I love this work so much that I stay there for the next fifteen years or more? Of course I gratefully accepted the position even with my unnecessary mental suffering.
Then the next hurdle came - having to give my notice at the place I’ve been settled in for nearly 5 years, having to inform my colleagues, notifying my clients, getting all my ducks in a row, and considering walking away from my comfort zone, work I know inside and out, and walking into something completely different and unknown to me. Not being a procrastinator, I had those conversations right away so I could start moving forward. The immediate response I received was “that’s going to be a great fit for you!” from a few of my close colleagues. My immediate response to that was “I’m so nervous about it.”
However, as the week progressed, I started noticing small affirmations all over the place. The universe was sending me messages. As more colleagues learned about my decision, they started telling me how much I’ll be missed, and how lucky the new company is to have me! What an emotional experience. I started to remember some of the things that frustrated me about my current role, and that underlying boredom acted as an affirmation that this is no longer the right fit for me. I realized the new company was so responsive to any of my questions or concerns as they came up. They even set up a time for me to speak with my new manager well before my start date, to ask any questions and have a general conversation about the role and the job duties. That conversation was the final affirmation I needed to drop the fear, because her description of the role just felt so right for me at this point in my career. I realized that I had truly manifested this job with all my new moon wishes and didn’t see it unfolding right in front of my eyes, because it was a little different than my original vision. Oh, and of course I asked my card deck for advice. Guess what cards I drew? One said WORK THROUGH YOUR FEARS while the other said, THE END OF A TOUGH CYCLE APPROACHES. Mind. Blown. Universe, you co-created this with me - thank you!
The moral of the story is that yes, change is hard. But we will never know what we might be missing out on if we don’t keep an open mind, lean into the fear and listen to the messages sent from the universe. Ladies and gents, follow your intuition, stay true to yourselves and remember, there are three answers to any wish: Yes; Yes, but not right now; or No, because there’s something better in store for you.
And so it is.
If you need some help navigating change in your life, please contact me to see how we can work together. Because together, we rise.