Hi Friends & happy Sunday! I can’t believe it’s been almost two months since my last blog post. How time flies!
Not that long ago I posted about not feeling very engaged in my life and work, and taking a leap of faith into another full time position. In addition to that, I’ve been teaching my Socacize Fitness classes. Generally I have been feeling more engaged in my life, which has been fantastic. My last four or so weekends have been filled with laughter and fun. I’ve spent time with some of my greatest friends, had some fun, made some new friends, had the best time teaching my fitness classes, and it’s been a time.
Do you remember when I said that I needed more of a challenge, that my past work was pretty slow, that my life was really quiet? That has all changed. Not only have I been doing more outside of work, but I’ve been quite challenged in my new role. As you know, I was seeking a challenge, looking forward to it, leaning into the fear of it, but when the real challenge hit, I freaked the eff out! Not in a serious way, but more of an ohmigosh, WTF have I gotten myself into, kind of way. Yes, I asked for it, and when it came, I was so filled with fear and doubt that I didn’t know what to do.
The interesting thing about this is the timing of it. It was mercury retrograde, there was a full moon, I suddenly got an intense bout of brain injury symptoms that I hadn’t experienced in a long time (yes, they’re back. Hello non-linear post-concussion recovery.. ugh), and on top of it all, I went back to my 12-month card spread for 2019 and noticed that my card for the month of November was self-destruction! So all of the energy of those things really fed into the fear and doubt I was experiencing about my work. It took numerous pep talks from my amazing team of current co-workers and managers, check-ins with past co-workers, de-briefs with my friends, a supportive chat with my husband, another one with my dad and a therapy session to sort through it.
In the end, the one specific thing I had been fearing turned out to be very reasonable once I worked through it on my own with some guidance, so the problem pretty much solved itself!
I reflected on some of the lessons I learned in my meditation classes with New Kadampa Buddhism here in London. The Buddhist nun spoke a lot about the delusions of the mind and how we cause ourselves unnecessary suffering just by virtue of having incorrect thoughts, and that’s exactly what I did. If it weren’t for my own perceptions of the situation, worry, and fear, I would have handled the task exactly as I did, with less mental anguish leading me up to it.
In reflecting with those around me, a couple themes came to light. One was that even though I may have never done something before, it does not mean that I can’t do a good job with some good preparation and coaching, based on my existing skill set. Another theme was that I have a history of stressing about work things and then they work themselves out (my Dad pointed that one out). Another theme was that this is a great learning experience and an opportunity for growth, which is exactly what I had been asking for, so there was no need to fear it! The other was that I had made the situation worse than it actually was by thinking negatively about it. Finally, my best friend reminded me that this job was created for me; in fact, I manifested this job. So what is to come in this job is only for my own greatest good - I just have to TRUST the process. Whether I’m meant to stay in this job for a super long time, or it’s a stepping stone for something else, it was made for me and it’s exactly where I need to be right now.
After all that, I’m feeling better about where I’m at. It’s funny to me to think about, because I actually asked the Universe for a new challenge, a new job, more engagement, and lots of other things. I got everything I asked for, then proceeded to question every aspect of my abilities in following through on this wish. I am only human after all, but I’m so grateful I can look at this experience from different perspectives, and that I have so many people in my community that can help me sort through these things.
And so it is.
If you’re feeling stressed about your work or an aspect of your life, and want to work through some strategies to manage it, please contact me to see how we can work together.
Because together, we rise.