Here is the story of how I met the most amazing human I know. First, a bit of a back story:
While attending one of my routine midwife appointments, I learned the baby was breech. I had the option of trying to turn the baby or scheduling a c-section right away. I was terrified of getting an epidural because of the needle in the spine, and was hoping on having a natural birth. I would have rather endured the pain of childbirth (mind you, I didn’t know what the pain of childbirth was like at the time), than have to get a needle in my spine. I opted to try to turn the baby.
I was due on January 23rd. On the weekend after New Year’s Day, Manuel and I were out shopping and I started feeling strange: hot flashes, intense hunger, extreme fatigue, and mild cramping. I thought I might be in labour, but that passed. Although it didn’t last more than a day, I had a feeling that the baby was coming soon. The following Monday, we were called to see if we could attend an appointment with an OB that night to try to turn the baby; we were told the procedure could induce labour. We went in, and the OB tried to manually turn the baby. We didn’t have any luck so we were sent home with a scheduled c-section of January 18th at 6:00 am. As I went through my workweek, I decided to cancel all my in-person appointments as I didn’t want to be travelling on the highways and be far away from home if anything happened, and that turned out to be a good decision!
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Friday, January 8, 2021 was my last day of work before maternity leave. I was dismantling my home office and getting the last of my work completed so I could send everything back to the office later that afternoon. That day, Manuel and I were sharing the same office since I was done all my client care and just needed to get everything organized. As I was working, our dog, Maple, was acting strange. She was staring at Manuel, kept nudging him and was obsessively by my side. We even commented on how weird she was acting. I remember sitting down and she jumped on my legs. Shortly after, I stood up again and noticed I was feeling a bit weird. Then out of nowhere, my water broke and gushed all over the office floor! It was 11:30 am. I shouted “Oh my God my water broke!” and I just stood there on the spot and kept gushing, all over the new floors. Manuel disappeared out of the room with me standing there shocked. I yelled at him and he said he was getting the mop to clean up the new floors! I responded by telling him to forget about the floors and bring me a towel. We both started laughing and a jittery excitement came over us. I remember texting my parents, my work, and my closest friends with one simple line: “OMG my water just broke.” I had Manuel pack up the last of my work things and get them to the front door while he called his mom to have her come take care of Maple. I told my boss all my office items were ready for pick-up and then hopped in the shower.
Once I rinsed off, I called the midwife. She advised me not to eat anything and to get to the hospital as soon as possible since it was technically an emergency situation, knowing the baby was breech. We tidied up the house as best we could, grabbed our things and headed over to the hospital. I remember feeling giddy, excited, nervous, and emotional all during that 10 minute drive. By time we made it to the hospital, parked, got up to the Obstetrics unit and checked in, I was already having mild contractions, and it was around 1:00 pm. The nurse asked me when was the last time I ate or drank. I was starving, but hadn’t had my lunch yet. Since I finished my morning cappuccino at about 11:15, they told me I’d have to wait at least 6 hours until my c-section unless my labour progressed quickly.
Manuel and I sat in the hospital room for hours, but looking back it felt like minutes. My contractions came every 4-5 minutes and got stronger and stronger as the afternoon went on. I counted my breath cycles during each contraction. We talked to our doula Joshuelle on the phone since she wasn’t allowed to be in the hospital with us. She helped me with some of my breathing and reminded me that I could play some music to help; of course I chose a Kes playlist because soca is life. Joshuelle had gifted me a handheld fan and a device for pressure points, and those two items were the things that came in most handy. Manuel would push the pressure point device into my back during my contractions, then fan me down afterwards. On and on the cycle went.
The first nurse I had was close to retirement. She was a chatter box and didn’t have much sympathy. She had to administer a covid test and check to see how dilated my cervix was - both procedures I do not wish to remember, because she was so rough, but chatted the entire time like she was just applying a band-aid.
We were told the c-section would take place around 6:00 pm but nothing was set in stone. Around 5:40 it was confirmed, so we called the midwife. My primary couldn’t make it, but they sent two other midwives to be present for the birth.
When it was go-time I was so ready to get the baby out. We didn’t know if it would be a boy or girl and we had names picked for both. I was extremely nervous about getting an epidural and having to have a c-section. Although it’s such a common procedure, it’s still a major abdominal surgery. By this point I had fully accepted and surrendered to the fact that I would not have my natural birth. Although the hours from admission to surgery were long, I was glad I got to experience some kind of labour. The excitement and surprise of my water breaking, the feeling of contractions, the emotions and the support I received from Manuel all allowed me to feel as though I was getting part of the birthing experience.
When they finally wheeled me into the the operating room, they separated me from Manuel while they prepped me for surgery. This is where I encountered nurse number 2. She was absolutely amazing. She held my hand during my contractions and helped me get positioned while they got the spinal freezing ready. She talked me through it and stayed with me. I was so thankful to have her. At this point, everything felt like a rushed blur. I was still having intense contractions, the lights were extremely bright, I didn’t know anybody in the room, and the room was buzzing with a dozen doctors, residents and nurses.
When I received the spinal freezing I jumped and yelled. I’m pretty sure that messed up the freezing. It was a long wait for the epidural and I remembered them saying they had to try again on a different level of my spine. I was so afraid of the pain of the needle and still having pain from contractions. It felt like forever until the epidural was in. They then had to lie me down quickly as the freezing took effect. They tested with ice cubes to see that the freezing had taken. I remember yelling and jumping when I felt the cold ice at my side. Then I laughed, saying “you must love that you get to do this to people.” The anesthesiologists were two young fellows and they were really nice, and explained every step. At this point, Manuel was allowed back in the room and one of the midwives had arrived.
I was surprised that I could feel a lot of what was happening during the procedure. It was not painful, but I perceived pain. I felt pulling and pinching. My whole body shook when they were pulling the baby out. I knew the instant the baby came out. I remember asking “Is it out? Do they have the baby?” everything was fairly quiet and they confirmed they had the baby. They asked Manuel to look over the curtain to see what the baby was (we thought it was going to be a girl). Manuel stood up and shouted “IT’S A BOY!!!” and I just started sobbing. They took the baby away (we found out after he was a little quiet and needed some suction). I remember sobbing, saying, “I want my baby. When are they going to bring me my baby?” Since I was frozen from my waist down, I couldn’t even form a proper cry. They gave Manuel the option to go with the baby at that point but instead he stayed with me because I was a hot, sobbing mess.
After a few minutes that felt like hours, they brought us our sweet little Gabriel Alexander all bundled up. He was born at 6:30 pm, weighed 6 lbs 12 oz, and measured 19 inches long. They took some pictures of us with him even though I was masked and sobbing. Then the midwives had to take him back for more measurements while the doctor sewed me up. Manuel went ahead with the midwives. The doctor finished putting me back together and the nurse wheeled me to recovery. When I arrived, the midwives Julia and Yufang were still looking Gabriel over so I had to wait some more to get to finally meet and hold my little peanut.
After what felt like an eternity, someone (the midwives? nurses? who knows!) finally brought Gabriel over, allowed us to take our masks off for more photos, and let us do skin to skin. I remember feeling so relieved that we finally got to meet him, and I could hold him without having to give him back for more hospital interventions. We spent a long while in recovery in awe of our tiny boy. The next two days in hospital trying to figure out how to be parents to a little 6 pound human, as I began my long and painful c-section recovery.
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I may tell the rest of the recovery story in another post. What I really want to end with is this: I never thought I wanted kids. I could see myself in some imagined future with them, but never now. It never felt like the right time. I didn’t feel like I would be nurturing enough. I was worried I would lose myself. I was hoping I would gain so much more but was always apprehensive. During my pregnancy when people asked if I was excited, I never said yes. Over the next two days in the hospital, the hormones took over and I fell head over heels in love with our little man. I remember our first night at home, holding him in the rocking chair and just feeling more love than I had ever felt for anything before, ever. And now I can’t imagine how quiet our house used to be. I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t have wanted endless baby snuggles. I remind myself often that these days cannot be relived and I need to cherish them before they disappear.
Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.
And so it is. XO