Sometimes, things just don't work out as planned. And then other things don't work out, and then more things don't work out... Sometimes, it's really hard to pull ourselves out of that "WTF" mindset, when life disappoints us. However, we always get two options, which are as follows: Option 1 is to wallow in self-pity; Option 2 is to move on with life.
After a series of minor disappointments this week, I found myself excessively annoyed. Let me just remind myself here, that the disappointments really were, in the grand scheme of things, minor. And the excessive annoyance was, well, excessive.
Pop Quiz: Which of the following did I do to pull myself out of it:
a) meditate
b) exercise
c) a mindless distraction technique
d) do my own thing anyway because I'm my own human (in other words, move on with my life)
e) cry
f) not a damned thing.
You guessed it, it was not a damned thing (I'm not much for crying anyway). I just chose option 1 from above, and wallowed. I didn't really enjoy it, but it was self-indulgent and at the moment I guess I needed to put a band-aid over my ego. Eventually, though, I did start to reflect on how my day ended up, and I realized that I did nothing to change it. Nope, not a damned thing. I could have, at the very least, painted my toenails, or done a quick workout, or anything really, but I did not.
This brings me to how disappointment can lead to power: authentic power.
First off, what is authentic power? Well a quick google search informed me that authentic power is when your personality and soul are in alignment. I've heard it described as being authentic, or living in your core, or living in alignment with your purpose, but in layman's terms, it's doing what feels right to your spirit and soul. For me, authentic power is doing what I want to do, for me. It's going to a coffee shop, drinking a coconut cappuccino, reading a book. It's finding flow in writing, it's being outdoors, because those are things that feel good to my soul. It's allowing my mind to be clear and still, and focus on myself rather than what others have done to me. It's pushing past what is comfortable and doing what I know is right, for nothing else than for myself. It's also not worrying what others think, setting boundaries, and saying no when things don't feel right. And moving on when I tried and things aren't working out.
Secondly, how can disappointment lead to all this great stuff above? Well, as I mentioned earlier, we have two choices. If we choose the second option, we are more likely to feel good about ourselves and make better choices for us. That means not complaining when things don't go our way, not making others feel badly for how their decisions affected us, not hiding from the emotions behind our phones or through overeating or shopping, or any other drug of choice. The best way to do this is to sit with the initial feeling of disappointment, anger, frustration, or whatever it might be, then watch it pass. Then, Move. On. Simple as that!
I realized that I had let my power be placed in another's action, I vibrated on a lower frequency and I did not manage my expectations (I was not practicing what I preached from a previous post). That's called an external locus of control. And if I know anything, it's that we can't change the situation, but we do have the power to change how we think about it. That's called an internal locus of control, it brings the power back to within. This allows us to change our mood and actions; it's classic cognitive behavioural therapy.
If you've ever felt stuck waiting for someone or something to happen, and it doesn't turn out, or like you can't pull yourself out of a rut, or like you've been feeling sorry for yourself for just too long, try this recipe:
STOP --> Recognize the emotion, sit with it, let it pass --> Re-write your story by changing your thoughts --> Live within your authentic power
Today, I chose to write my story differently. Instead of the poor-me or the screw-you mentality, I just did things that felt healing, grounding and meditative. I spent the day alone, I visited my favourite places. I thought about what was within my own power to make it a good day, and I did just that. And you know what? I'm feeling much more like a goddess, in her own authentic power. And goddess beats complainer every single time.
And so it is.