Lately I’ve been feeling a little frazzled about finances. Between making some investments in my business, organizing flights home for Christmas and actually planning some of the festivities at this time of year, I have been feeling in lack, despite my best intentions.
Here’s the deal: I grew up in a household where the mantra was always we can’t afford that or we’re broke. My brother and I actually grew up thinking we were poor. But the reality is that our dad was working 7 days a week, mom was taking care of us, and there was always threat of shut downs, lay offs and strikes. So while we always were provided for and really did have all we needed, we were living in a fear-based mentality, leaving us stuck in the feelings of lack.
Those mantras and conditioning tend to stay with us as we get older. I was counting the dollars of my student debt from the day I signed up for university and always had the suffocating feeling that I was drowning in debt. In order to not feel that way, I got to work on my budgeting skills early in my professional career, setting up the most detailed excel spreadsheet I could think of, to plan for absolutely every expense that might come my way. I have savings accounts for the dog, for the car, for the house and for vacations. I plan for that driver’s licence renewal that takes place every 5 years. No expense is not accounted for. I paid off my brand new car in one year and got rid of a $90 000 student loan within about 6 years of graduating. What that means is I plan really well, but I don’t have a whole lot left over for fun, or for unexpected things that don’t fit into the budget, like meeting someone for lunch or investing in a business. So when these things come up, I run right back to the story I’ve always heard: I can’t afford this, I’m broke!
I’ve recognized that this fear of money, hypersensitivity to debt, and addiction to overworking in an effort to pay off student loans and other expenses has only lead to burnout. I’ve managed to do a lot with my finances, I have a decent job, a few side hustles and a serious savings and budgeting plan. But still, I get focused on what I don’t have and how I feel I need more. This is a dangerous negative thinking trap. When I get into that place, historically, I’ve panicked and just gotten another job. After three burnouts and not feeling any better about my finances, even though my finances are significantly better year after year, I realized it was not actually the conditions of my finances that were the problem, it was the condition of my mind that was the issue.
I had to learn to change my story from I’m broke to I don’t have room in my budget for that. I’ve had to change my mantra from I can’t afford that to the universe provides me with all that I need, and I learned to recognize that most of the things I wanted, I didn’t actually need. I had to learn to stop looking at my lack and start looking at my wealth. I had to teach myself to re-frame my anxiety about money to focusing on having enough and being grateful for all that I do have. In Marianne Williamson’s book The Law of Divine Compensation, she says:
“If your core belief is ‘I lack’ and you carry the belief with you, then you will subconsciously perpetuate or create the circumstances that reflect that belief. But your circumstances are completely malleable: they simply reflect the dictates of your mind. Regardless of what limits exist in your material world, your immutable truth is that you are an unlimited spiritual being. By remembering this, you summon the Law of Divine Compensation.”
If all we see is lack, all we feel is that we do not have enough, of anything. But if we start to notice that we do have enough, the universe provides us with what we need. Thus, we stop feeling the need to go out and buy things unnecessarily, just to make us feel better. We stop feeling the need to grasp at anything we can to bring in more money.
Minimalist philosophy supports this theory as well. The idea is not that we intentionally go without, but that we consciously reflect on our purchases and focus on only keeping the things that add value to our lives. While the removal of things I have accumulated over the years is an ongoing endeavour for me, I have been able to walk away from mindless online shopping, mall-browsing, and general overindulging. I try to consciously reflect before a purchase now.
I’ve learned from the book the Soul of Money by Lynne Twist about how we focus on not having enough in life: not enough time, money, sleep, health, fitness, willpower, weekends, holidays, etc. She says from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed we are constantly focusing on not enough. But if we adopt a minimalist philosophy, we start to see we have more than enough. By releasing items we no longer need, it allows us to feel the abundance of value in the things and experiences we actually have and love. If we focus on the positives, have gratitude, and live from a place of love, we open our heart and our minds to possibilities we might not have been open to otherwise.
Over the years, I’ve been doing a lot of work on changing my stories. However every now and again I fall back into the mindset of lack. I have to work diligently to not let myself spiral into that fear-based thinking trap. The other day I was reflecting on what it would mean if I just had a little more money. I caught myself in that thinking and I asked my higher self, “what can I do to feel like I have enough?” The answer I got was a little surprising. It was not about making more money or spending less, which would have been my first instinct. My higher self told me to focus on the abundance of other things in my life and I won’t feel as though I’m lacking so much financially. Boom. What an amazing shift.
And so I started: I realized I had an abundance of time, and I was wasting it by being too connected online. I could use that resource wisely and feel a lot better about the abundance of time, wealth and well-being all at once. I realized I had an abundance of resources, such as education, life experience and work history. I looked at my bank accounts with fresh eyes. I saw that I actually do not live in lack. When I’m focused on one number being low but I don’t see all the rest, it creates a mental filter for me to feel that I do not have enough. In reality, I have more than enough, I just happen to be saving for things to come. Huh, I never looked at it that way before! I have an abundance of friendships, an abundance of love, an abundance of travel experiences. An abundance of shoes (my shoes add value to my life!). I have an abundance of opportunities. Oh, the opportunities! I have an abundance of potential clients waiting to work with me. I have an abundance of vacation time coming my way. The abundance is everywhere, if I just open my eyes and really look.
So for those of you who might be feeling a little tight in the chest thinking about your finances, I have a few strategies that might help change your mindset:
1) Change the stories you tell yourself about money
2) Make a budget
3) Focus on having enough
4) Start looking at the abundance in your life, which is all around you
and the universe will reward you!
For the good of all, or not at all. And so it is.
If you need some help with shifting your money mantra, re-framing your thoughts of lack or generating a budget, please contact me to see how we can work together.
Because together, we rise!