Wow, time flies when you’re having fun. I knew I hadn’t done a blog post in a while, but I didn’t realize it’s been over a month! I suppose I’ve been out enjoying life a lot more lately and also resting like a boss afterwards. Since my last blog post, I’ve traveled three weekends in a row, gone on a ski trip and thrown myself into fitness.
First, let me tell you a little about skiing. We missed skiing last winter because of my sprained ankle, which came just a few months before my sprained brain (both soccer-related injuries). With post concussion syndrome affecting every aspect of my life, we didn’t think skiing was going to happen this year. What I didn’t know is that my husband had purchased lift tickets for Mont Tremblant before I asked my physio for his opinion. But really, what could go wrong, amirite? Luckily in January, I started some new treatment modalities that I hadn’t yet tried, and I’ve been gradually getting back to my usual self. That being said, my physiotherapist was not super excited about the idea of me going skiing. Despite my confidence and experience with it, some things are just unpredictable, like the other people on the hills. We wouldn’t want all my recent progress to go to waste with a hard fall or a ski-hill collision.
I decided that in order to go, I’d need to get myself back into good shape. We started working with a personal trainer once a week in January (my Christmas gift to him), and despite the rocky start, over the first four weeks I saw my brain and body doing amazing things. My vertigo gradually reduced, eye strain became less and less, auditory sensitivity was nearly gone (hooray for not having to wear earplugs to work out!), my recovery time got shorter, and best of all, my need to push myself finally outweighed my fear of hurting myself. Have I said this before? I think so, but it’s pretty exciting and worth saying twice!
With all this new-found strength and ability, I decided that in order to make myself as safe as possible on the ski hill, I would need to work extra hard on the ground before we left. With that, in February I launched into a 12-week fitness program involving cardio 3 days per week, strength training 3 days per week and some hot yoga where it fit in. The best part was that the end-date of the program would coincide with my 35th birthday, and also, the anniversary of the concussion. My motivation was to prepare myself for the ski trip AND to also get myself into the best possible condition for my birthday, to prove to myself that the entire year has not been lost under a cloud of injury.
With my luck, I ended up really sick the week before our trip, having to miss two full days of work and leaving work early on another day. I didn’t have any gumption to do any physical activity as my head felt like it would explode. Naturally, I was feeling weak when we started to ski. I had the pre-anticipatory heart rate increase happening the minute we left our Airbnb for the hill. It wasn’t much different than what I would feel before a soccer game, but it felt like the stakes were higher since I knew I was about to take a real risk. Day 1 went by smoothly, although it was tiring, especially after the 8+ hour drive to get there the day before. We stuck to the easy and moderate level hills, and skied much slower than I usually would. I tried to pay special attention to my technique, and keep a bubble around me. What we didn’t realize is that it would be the start of March Break in Montreal, which meant that Day 2 saw double the people on the hills, including many more unpredictable and unsteady beginners. This made our easy and moderate level hills more challenging, as the volume of people was higher and the number of people to avoid increased as well. I realized that skiing on an advanced run would actually feel safer, and would certainly be more enjoyable, so that’s what we did.
We found another area of the ski hill that we hadn’t seen on Day 1, and the view was breathtaking. I could feel the cold air on my nose and cheeks. I could see the snow-covered pine trees of the boreal forest, big fluffy snowflakes, and mountain peaks as far as my eye could see. I breathed in the outdoor air. I set off down the hill, skiing faster and more confidently than I had all weekend, knowing we had the area mostly to ourselves. It was exhilarating and amazing. I was SO happy to be outside, doing one of the things I love and that has been such an important part of my life, especially having grown up in Northern Ontario, where the winters can be very unforgiving if you don’t learn to enjoy it.
We finished the ski trip with a visit to the Scandanave Spa, with saunas, steam rooms, outdoor hot and cold pools, and the best winter scenery. While completely exhausted from all the fresh air and activity, I truly felt alive and am so grateful to my husband for setting that ball in motion. I’m so happy I wasn’t held back by injury symptoms or fear itself, showing myself what I’m actually capable of.
Fast forward to yesterday, one week after our return home. I was offered the chance to do a make-up class by our trainer, since I missed my regular training class the week I was sick. I was halfway through my second circuit and had a burst of strength and energy. I increased the weights on my row and rowed the heck out of it. I moved to the stability ball plank, with the more difficult option of adding a push-up, and I chose the push-up. I was sweating all over the place, my heart was beating so fast I could feel my entire body pulsing. Mascara was running in my eyeballs. My hands were so wet they could barely grip the ball. But I took a peek at myself in the mirror through burning eyes and was immediately shocked to see the definition in my upper body that I hadn’t seen in over a year. It motivated me to work harder, and in that moment, I realized I also felt truly alive. I left that class feeling stronger, fitter and more inspired. I left that class feeling tired but alive. There’s no better high than a naturally-induced endorphin high.
I realized THIS is what I had been missing out on. Even before my concussion, before my sprained ankle, I can’t think back to the last time I actually felt this way. Thankfully I’m back at it and don’t ever want to lose this feeling again.
So, what makes you feel alive? More importantly, are you doing it?
And so it is.
If you need some help investigating or implementing something that makes you feel alive, contact me to see how we can work together.
Because together, we rise.